Safety Tips

SAFEWORDS

I do not know how many submissives have told me they do not have a safeword, and do not need it because they trust me, want to submit with their all, and know I will never hurt them.

Well, here's a newsflash. I can hurt you during a physical impact session. I can seriously damage you. I can even kill you. Do not be naive and stupid with your physical health. Have a safeword, always. Use it when the session becomes too intense, too painful for you, or if you are frightened or apprehensive in the direction of a scene. The use of a safeword is also for the Dominant's peace of mind, also. Dominants should have a safeword, too. Don't be a hero about it - a hero can't ride in and save anybody if he/she can't save themselves.

Any Dominant who says you don't need a safeword - stay well clear of that person. That person will inevitably end up causing you great harm, or death. Is it worth the risk just so you can prove what a perfect submissive you are?

Dominants should ask a submissive what their safeword is at the very beginning of each session, even if the safeword is carved into the sub's forehead. Other alternatives need to be worked out ahead of time if the submissive is to be gagged, or blindfolded. A scarf or ball held in the hand can be dropped to signal an end to the activities for the time being.

NEGOTIATION

I can't say this clearly and loudly enough. Negotiate, negotiate, negotiate before the first session! In fact, negotiate continually throughout your relationship, especially if a new activity is going to be introduced in a session. Don't become complacent because you have known a Dominant for a long time. Negotiate your limits, and know exactly what's going to be done to you in that session. Become your own lawyer before you allow a Dominant to cuff or restrain you, and then play with you, because after that, it's too late.

SAFE FRIEND OR SAFE CALL (Alarm person)

Before a first meet, always let another person know where you will be, how long you will be, the name of the person you are going to meet, and any contact details of that person you are going to meet. Carry a fully-charged mobile phone to the meeting, arrange for your friend to ring and check in with you, or vice versa, at a pre-arranged time. If you do not ring by that time, then it's safe to say you may be in deep shit. Allow a ten minute window with your friend if you have not rung in by the pre-arranged time, let her/him know if the time passes, and you haven't rung - it's time to bring in the big guns!

An 'alarm person' system should be used continuously throughout the relationship, especially during play sessions. Perhaps the Dominant has a dubious medical history, prone to dizzy spells or fainting, or goddess forbid, heart attacks, etc. You don't want to be restrained to an object, with no way to get out of the restraints, with your Dominant needing urgent medical attention a few feet away. Having a mobile phone within easy reach of both Dominant and submissive is always a great idea!

It is your responsibility to check in at that time. Don't leave your friend worrying and freaking out about your safety, and save yourself the embarrassment of having the police raid your venue because you forgot to ring in.

VENUE

Always choose a public venue for the first meeting. Don't arrange to play on the first meet. This should be spent getting to know one another, and negotiating limits.

When you graduate to a private space, let your friend know the address and phone number of the space your Dominant has chosen. If the Dominant will not provide these details, for goddess sake - stay away!

A third person present, even in the house (not in the room) is a good back up, too.

If playing in a flat or shared house, do inform your non-vanilla flatmates of your kinky session. You don't have to go into details, but if screaming and moaning happens, it's best they know what's going on so they don't break the door down and punch up your submissive or Dominant.

REFERENCES

A Dominant should supply references of their character from others in the community. At least four or five, or more. This can include phone numbers of past subs, or other Dominants who know them well in the community. If a Dominant cannot supply any details, or produce anyone who knows them in the scene - steer clear. It's a good idea to ask for references from a sub, too. As Femdoms, our physical strength does not match a male's. Subs, especially those in pain, can easily and quickly snap and turn on you.

Unable to provide the source of this information but I do thank the person for sharing this very important information.