I have had a few experiences with submissive predator. I did not know of this name for them and thought of them as rejects who were showing their wraith towards me... no different to the Vanilla world at all.
Most of the rejects - approximately 4 - were angry but that's because they were trying to top me from the bottom since I was relatively new to the scene. Just because we were in a BDSM environment did not stop me picking up on bad behaviour with a Vanilla flavour aimed at me. Childishness and petulance were the main traits I saw in these 4 submissives and it was not surprising to see their true colours.
I have recently read that there is a submissive fetish. Kinky folk coming into the Scene and taking on the submissive role for the fun of it, for the experience of it but truly not submissive at all but claiming to be. Again when they are rejected, you see the same type of childishness, petulance and maliciousness come though very quickly. However, I digress... or do I?
The one ugly experience I have had was with a chap in the middle east. He was such a nice chap, or appeared to be until he started demanding me to give him more of my time. Actually outright demanding I do this and do that. It was interesting to watch the change. I now recognise this as a sign of neediness to feed his ego, his loneliness. He was impressed with HIS looks as well and did not consider himself tan-skinned but white. Ugh. And his negative attitude about brown to black skin-toned people was very telling. If only his family and friends new of his brand of racism.
Anyway I said to him one day that our Long Distance Relationship was over. Well, the turn was immediate.
To actually see the change instantaneously truly was an incredible (negative) experience to be at the receiving end of.
Now I am not easily shocked by many things but his viciousness came through, which I retaliated. However, I advise others not to retaliate but just walk away... these predators are not worthy of your attention even if it is in anger. These predators can not see reason at all. My concern with his verbal attack was that it was directed towards my family. Jack and I were amazed at the psychotic hatred that came through with such venom. Anyway, I did not respond to any more of his emails which obviously fueled his nastiness... he continued on for a while but I ignored them because all he was seeking was a reaction and I was over it, over him and his pathetic behaviour.
He then sought me out on a Site I belong to and started attacking my profile there. Luckily I am well-known and respected in the Kink community who rallied to support me and he was banned. He attempted to go after me creating new profiles but he was slapped down very quickly by myself and the caretakers. He has moved on to top from the bottom with someone else no doubt.
What did I learn from this ugly experience?
I learned to be wary of people I spoke with online and in fact, it is a requirement to meet Kinksters immediately to ensure they are who they say they are.
I only liaise with Kinksters within my country, and if I am to play with anyone, it is to be someone local.
In my profiles on various sites, I always state my activities/interests/goals and that anyone who wishes to be in my realm must be or open to experiencing my Kinky activities.
I do not do online/webcam play any more.
I do not converse with younger submissives who have obvious mental problems, i.e. issues with their fathers or mothers, or issues with other cultures/nationalities.
I have a checklist I provide to submissives I may be interested in order to review to ensure we are compatible or not.
I ensure when I do meet Kinksters I have a safecall available.
In the past three years, I have learned and grown with the knowledge and experience I have obtained from other Kinksters along with books, skillshares, chats. Its all a learning experience and where I am today, I am happy but I do hope to go further in this journey with the help of others.
So my advice to new Dominants be aware of the red flags, which is posted in my blog under June, familiarise yourselves with the list so you can recognise the signs of submissive predators (and Dominant predators). Don't be fooled by pretty words and "yes sir, yes ma'am" diatribe, test them to find out if they truly do have the patience, inclination and sincerity to serve you.
~Ms Neta~
With Dark Romance in Mind
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