Guidelines for Submissives

BE PATIENT! A potential Dominant will let you know if she or he is interested in you or not. Keep in mind that your purpose as a submissive is to serve and to satisfy someone who will take into consideration the realization of your fantasies. Don't expect your Dominant to be able to turn on like a light switch. The timing must be right for both of you.

BE HUMBLE!

BE OPEN! You can learn something about S&M and about yourself from everyone in the scene, no matter how experienced or inexperienced they are, or how dominant or submissive they are. S&M is a very personal art, and an "I already know it all" attitude will make you miss valuable SM lessons and experiences, and ignore potentially valuable S&M friends.

COMMUNICATE! Verbalisation is necessary, but at the appropriate time and in the appropriate way. Your Dominant needs to know basic information about you, such as experiences, fantasies, health concerns, and turn-offs. But - unless it's an emergency - wait until your top asks. Don't expect your Dominant to be a mind reader who instinctively knows your needs, wants, and limits. Your communication and cooperation will enhance the scene for both of you.

BE HONEST! Don't be afraid to share your needs and fantasies. Your dominant expects it. Honesty about your wants, health concerns, and turn-offs is essential to a good scene. Lying or being less than candid can only lead to problems, as the Dominant will base the scene on inaccurate information. Besides causing problems, it can be dangerous.

BE VULNERABLE. Your scene is a two-way street. It is not just physical realisation of your prior fantasies. If you want to limit your experience to certain physical and psychological stimulation, then contract with your Dominant ahead of time. But don't expect your Dominant to be a puppet in a fantasy play you've written in your head. It's far better to let your Dominant surprise you, to extend your limits, to take you to places you've never been before. When you trust your top completely, let her or him know it, and let him or her guide you into new fantasies.

BE REALISTIC. Your Dominant is human, and even the most experienced Dominants have moments of awkwardness and indecision. Don't call attention to what you perceive as a lapse. Know the difference between reality and the fantasy world you see in books and magazines. Few tops are rich enough to afford a large dungeon with a lavish layout of equipment. Your top's equipment is expensive - respect it and don't abuse it.

BE REALLY SUBMISSIVE! This is the whole point. Let your Dominant take you over completely. Don't coach or second guess or be critical of your top (don't "Top from the Bottom"). Exchange information on your special needs before the scene starts, but once it starts be quiet! If you insist on running a scene of your own specifications, then you should try being a Dominant. You have agreed to limiting your own power. Stay with those limitations. Respect and obey your Dominant and expect punishment if you don't. Accept it gracefully and cheerfully. Your Dominant has many things to be concerned with, including your safety and what turns you on. Be loyal and dependable and enjoy your role.

BE HEALTHY!  S&M, like any strenuous activity, require that its participants - both active and passive - be in top physical and emotional health. The amount you sleep, your eating habits, your alcohol and drug intake, and everyday stress affect your response and endurance during a scene. Your Dominant needs to know when your physical or emotional energy is low. No matter how tempting a scene sounds, an "I want it all now" attitude, when you aren't able to give your all, will leave both of you feeling let down. You serve your Dominant and yourself by staying healthy. And never do a scene when angry or intoxicated.

HAVE FUN! After all, S&M is all about having a good time. You have earned and you are entitled to the unique, intense pleasure which comes from responsible, creative S&M play.