Raise awareness about 50 Shades...

FemDom is a paradox...

Femdom is a paradox: Because it should be about Women dominating men. Yet the reality is, that many FemDom men, 'top from the bottom'. Where, they demand and tell Women howto  act out their sexual fantasies.  

True Dominant Women do not like this and for this reason reject FemDom completely. This is why there are far more men within Femdom than Women. So I am advocating true FemDom where men do not make any demands on Women and their role is only to serve and do only what the Women want.

(written by William Bond)

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I was perusing some articles on google and came across blogs by William Bond.  Wonderful perspectives he has.  Thank you.

Its quite interesting because I have experienced many males, stating they are submissive, who have approached me demanding or telling me how I should act out their fantasies mainly porn-related.  This is because they do not really understand FemDom except for what they see on FemDom porn.  Damn the porn industry!!

My response to those males usually is to inform them I am not a porn FemDom, I am a lifestyle Female Dominant and this is what is my expectation of them during their service to me - short term or long term interactions.  Needless to say, many run like scared little bitches.  If sex isn't involved, or very little sexual play, they are not interested.  Their idea of service is giving me oral sex or pummelling (fucking me hard) after they are removed from bondage.  

I am looking for genuine submissive/switch males who understand FemDom or who are open to learning about how to serve a Dominant Woman - my way.  

As usual, I am amused that once the male 'sub' orgasms, he no longer adheres to the rules previously negotiated.  I attract many "Do Me" submissives but I recognise them very quickly these days and remove them from realm doubly quickly.

Just having  my say...

Dominance and submission (D/s) - A Power Exchange Relationship

If anyone were to ask what 'Dominance and submission' is, they'd receive almost as many answers as people who practice it.

Simply stated, most would agree that D/s consists of a consensual relationship that is based around a power exchange between two people. One person is the controlling one, known as the Dominant; the other person is the controlled one, and is known as the submissive (note that 'Dominant' is usually capitalised and that 'submissive' is not). The submissive gives a certain amount of 'power' to the Dominant over their lives. This can be as simple as the Dominant telling them what to wear each day, or can be as complex as them having to ask the Dominant for permission to even leave the room. The important thing to note here is that we are talking about consensual relationships. The rights of the submissive are not taken from them, they are given freely during a period of negotiation.

What does BDSM mean?

BDSM is a word composed from the following abbreviations: B&D (Bondage & Discipline), D&S (Dominance & submission) and S&M (Sadism & Masochism). It means, that it can cover a play, where heavy pain is inflict or tight bonds are applied or where one person drive another. There is one sign common for all three: there is at least one person, who lead the scene (called top), and at least one person, who is controlled (called bottom).

Bondage & Discipline - bondage, humiliation and corporal punishment are used to control the behaviour of the bottom. The top forces the bottom to achieve a certain goal through given rules. If these are broken, then punishment takes a place. It is very similar to a child treatment used in past centuries, but applied on adults of course. Very often role playing such as parents/children, teacher/student is a part of it.

Dominance & submission - the top dominates the bottom. The top demands that the bottom wants to obey. It is similar to B&D, but the control is mostly in an emotional field. Let me give you an example to make it more clear: The top gives a command to the sub to keep the house clean. In B&D the top will check, if the house is really clean. If not, her crop will have work to do ... In D&S, the top will not care if the room is tidied up, but if the bottom has spent enough effort to fulfil the request.

Sadism & Masochism - pain is involved. The masochist likes to receive pain, the sadist likes to inflict pain.

BDSM can be a lifestyle, it can be a favourite game regularly played with a partner, or it can be something what would never be understood by some. Most BDSMers say, that erotic power exchange is the most sensual thing you can experience.  Some would agree, others would disagree. 

Tips for weeding out pretenders

I have come across a few 'submissive' males who find it hard to commit to Female Dominants

Initially they are all keen with the thought of sex being part and parcel of their service to you but when they find out that non-sexual service is the expectation, it doesn’t quite thrill them any longer.  Of course sex can be part of your dynamic but on your terms.

Tips for weeding out pretenders may include:

·         Morning and evening text by a set time

·         Write a short story/poem by a strict deadline.

·         Provide a face photo asap

·         Meet for a coffee or drink not long after communication has commenced



(100090)

Opinions on Service

From a Sister:

I define "service" as any non-sexual, non-play, service provided by a slave or submissive. everything from a massage, to cleaning the cat box.

I have in the past had play-only relationships, however I do not currently have that dynamic with anyone. I expect partners to provide service at some level, even in a play only relationship. Carry the gear bags, set up, tear down, general fetching of anything I might want or need.

I have a full time live in slave who is a service slave , as well as a "play partner".  Having come from a primarily play-only type background, his diving into a full-time service position has been a journey to say the least.


Rewards for his excellent and thoughtful service, as first and foremost, expressions of thanks, or gratitude, as appropriate; secondly, rewards of types of play he enjoys, or even rewards of a more vanilla nature.


I do not feel I am dependent upon his service, as I am able to do those things for myself when I so choose. However the joy of having a service slave is that those things are done to make my life easier.

Subspace

Subspace (also sub space, headspace, flying, or floating), in the context of a BDSM scene, is the psychological state of the submissive partner. The term is unrelated to the mathematical term subspace.

Subspace is a metaphor for the state the submissive's mind and body is in during a deeply involved play scene. Many types of BDSM play invoke strong physical responses. The psychological aspect of BDSM also causes many submissives to mentally separate themselves from their environment as they process the experience. Deep subspace is often characterised as a state of deep recession and incoherence. Deep subspace may also cause a danger in newer submissives who are unfamiliar with the experience, and require the dominant to keep a careful watch to ensure the submissive isn't placing him or her self in danger. Many submissives require aftercare.

Physiological Processes

During the scene, the intense experiences of both pain and pleasure trigger a sympathetic nervous system response, which causes a release of epinephrine from the suprarenal glands, as well as a dump of endorphins and enkephalins. These natural chemicals, part of the fight or flight response produce the same effect as a morphine-like drug, increasing the pain tolerance of the submissive as the scene becomes more intense. Producing a sort of trance-like state due to the increase of hormones and chemicals, the submissive starts to feel out-of-body, detached from reality, and as the high comes down, and the parasympathetic nervous system kicks in, a deep exhaustion, as well as incoherence. Many submissives once reaching a height of subspace will lose all sensation of pain, as any stimulus causes the period to prolong.

Some Simple Guidelines for a Dominant

• Safety first. Shit happens, be prepared. Always.

• Try to make sure your sub suffers no non-consensual harm. If it happens, apologise.

• Try to respect everyone, not just your fellow dominants. Manners go a long way.

• Try to avoid doing the ultra kinky shit whilst totally and utterly hammered. Bad things may happen when you don't have your full faculties.

• You're in charge, behave that way.

• Recognise that other couples do things differently and acknowledge you DON'T have all the answers.

• Try to use common sense at all times.

• Show discretion.

• Don't take things out on your sub. If you have a problem, communicate with them. Most problems can be solved by simple communication.

• You are human and not perfect

(93170)

Sensuous Caning - How to

An article I just had to share with those who are very interested in canes/caning.  Thank you to Conrad Hodson for this most informative piece.

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SENSUOUS CANING
Copyright (c) 1997 by Conrad Hodson


INTRODUCTION
Canes have a deserved reputation as The Victorian Terror Weapon. To most submissives (slaves/bottoms), they mean severe punishment; to sensation-seeking S/M bottoms, overload. If we have care and patience, however, canes can be used in a loving and sensuous way. The very stiffness of a good cane, that makes a hard stroke so intense, allows the lightest taps to be given with perfect control. And a light cane stroke is easy to aim, unlike a flexible whip that sags and flops at low power. In the kind of sensuous play I'm describing here, light strokes are far more prevalent and important than heavy ones.

This style is a matter of trust, patience, and finesse. If you can't gain, maintain, and deserve the bottom's trust, the whole thing is probably going to fail, or fall far short of what it could be. As for patience, don't even start a scene like this unless you have at least an hour available, and two is better. Finesse? Well, on two occasions bottoms have gone to sleep while I was caning them. They woke up black and blue, and giggling. That's finesse.

I'm not bragging, and I'm not saying I'm some kind of Caning God. It's learnable. That's why I'm writing this.

CANING TECHNIQUE
A single cane can deliver an entire symphony of sensation. A snappy blow that is pulled back a bit just before impact will emphasize surface sting. The same sort of blow carried past the moment of impact, with follow-through, will have much more thud and penetration.

The greatest intensity is delivered by the outer third or so of the cane's length. This is the portion that leaves marks, in a hard blow. In a light blow, this part of the cane will have a relatively stingy feel. Closer to the top's hand, the cane moves much more slowly, and the sensation will be more thuddy or even massage-like. This allows a good way of maintaining rhythm and atmosphere while giving some relief to a bottom who is showing signs of overload.

The very tip of a cane can be used on many targets that a full-length blow might harm, or be unable to even reach. Tip shots can work the inside of the sweet spot, the bottoms of the feet, the muscles between the spine and the shoulder blades. A traditional cane stroke in any of these areas would cross bony areas, causing bone bruises and pain that is not at all erotic; a hard one might chip bones or crush nerves, and cause truly harmful damage. DON'T try for these with any force until you are utterly sure of your aim! Lighter tip shots are much safer, and feel much like percussion massage.

SETUP
I prefer to have the bottom lying flat. When a person goes as deeply into bottom space as I hope to send them, the mere act of keeping their balance will be a distraction. Having them lie on a table is easiest on the top's back in these long scenes; massage tables are ideal, and cafeteria-type tables are sturdy and about the right height. Arrange padding if the table doesn't already have it; I usually bring a single-bed sheet and a roll of foam to parties and demos.

Second choice is ground level; on a mattress or futon, or the foam pad. Here the bottom will be laying prone and the top will sit or kneel beside them. On table or floor, it's nice to have three or four feet clear on either side of the bottom, so that you can switch sides. Since the tip of the cane always hits the hardest, switching sides will help to keep the caning symmetrical. Also, it allows the top's other hand to rove over a different part of the bottom's body. From one side, you can stroke, massage, caress, and collect feedback from feet, legs, and buttocks, and play with their crotch if it's that kind of scene. From the other, you caress their face, massage their back, grab hair or the back of their neck, play trust games with your finger between their teeth as you cane them...

A caning can be an awkward thing to deliver when the bottom is standing, especially if the top is taller. There is a strong tendency for strokes to land too high, on the bony upper half of the butt, when the bottom is standing up. Also, the sweet spot is hard to reach from this position. Going to one knee may help. Occasionally a play space may have a stage or platform of some kind, with bondage facilities near the edge of it. If you have the gear and know how to do it safely, suspension may also offer a way to get the bottom a foot or two higher.

I try to avoid the traditional bent positions for caning, where the recipient crouches or bends over a chair. For one thing, this stretched skin is much more sensitive. Victorian punishers wanted overload; for a sensuous caning we want to avoid it. For another, the tailbone comes up into harm's way when one bends over, and a hard canestroke is quite capable of chipping it and inflicting a painful lifetime disability. Damaged tailbones don't heal! There is a lot of perfectly good buttock area that is hard to work safely from these positions; when the bottom's body is straight, much more of the tailbone is protected. When in doubt, run your finger down the spine, all the way into the crack of their ass; you can feel how far the tailbone goes. Check this each time; the length varies surprisingly among different people.

WARM-UP TECHNIQUE
The best precondition for a trip to Endorphin Heaven is for the bottom to be deeply relaxed, trusting, not anticipating the next stroke but rather accepting. Going too hard or too fast will drop them out of their bottom space (that warm, accepting state of trust) at just the time when you should be building it up. Their hindbrain will take charge, and its ancient survival reflexes will start screaming "We're taking damage! Get us the hell out of here!" A good bottom wants the scene to go well, and will be working to control panic and nervousness. For this particular style of scene, the top must build the intensity so smoothly that the bottom is supported rather than challenged in their efforts to stay centered and accepting.

Of course, some people warm up much faster than others. "Smooth" is one thing; boring is quite another. In initial negotiations, I mention this, and if we are using the "traffic light" safewords I point out that "green" is also a color, and that they can always call for a speedup if they want one.

As we begin, I like to promise that I will escalate the intensity very gradually - something like "no stroke will be more than a third harder than I've already given you". This helps them relax. You need to keep this promise, too; surprises will tense them up for a long while afterwards. Resist the temptation to tease them or fake them out, for the same reason.

I often begin with an ordinary massage. I explore the muscles of the back, buttocks, and legs, checking for tense spots and taking whatever time is needed to relax them and establish an expectation of pleasure from my touch. Massage is itself an endorphin releaser, and very non-threatening. When a bottom is new to this technique, their delighted surprise can relax them, build a lot of trust early on, and give them confidence that there are rewards to be had in exploring with you.

After achieving relaxation of any tense spots, do a little fingertip percussion on the muscled areas of the bottom's body. (Fingertip percussion is what a pianist does to strike several close keys all at once.) The fingers of one or both hands are crooked, and struck down in to the target area. Work the upper back, to either side of the spine, this way for a while. Do the same to the lower part of the buttocks, and down the backs of the legs. This sort of sensation is a perfect bridge between massage and flagellation; it's especially good for introducing beginners.

Now begin with the cane, tapping very lightly over the areas that had the percussion warmup. Don't tap any bony areas; this is a good time to develop the habit of avoiding them. Use the cane tip to reach areas that have bone close alongside. The blows should have less force than your fingertips did; the cane is hard and stingy, and the idea is to introduce the cane without breaking the relaxed and trusting glow of your warm-up. Along with ordinary light taps, mix in a few that are feather-light; with practice you can deliver a flutter as light as the landing of a flock of butterflies. This is a wonderful contrast to harder strokes; as endorphins build up such a light flutter will often bring on a fit of giggles.

As you work, do single taps, double taps, quick flutters of various intensities. Your goal here is twofold. You are trying to teach the bottom that they cannot predict your strokes, but that it doesn't matter because they won't be harmed. It is a non-verbal trust-building exercise.. Done with care, you can give the bottom that wonderful open acceptance of whatever happens, the key to the very best bottom space.

Another key to good bottom space is breathing. Deep, careful breathing controls panic, and this is vital as intensity builds. Panic is really the unpleasant portion of pain; take panic away and what's left is just strong sensations. All kinds of wonderful things can be done with strong sensations...

If your bottom has ever done yoga, meditation, natural childbirth training, or anything like that, remind them that deep, slow breathing is important here, too. If they have never had such training, coach them as you go. If their breathing becomes short and choppy, ease up and remind them to relax and breathe deeply (unless they're coming, of course; that's to be encouraged, not interrupted with good advice!)

If your other hand keeps up a steady contact with caresses and massage, not only will it relax and comfort the bottom but you will be able to detect twitches, tension, or relaxation. Especially with bottoms who aren't very verbal or vocal, this is the best feedback you can have.

If they are vocalizing, watch out for a sharp edge to their tone. It warns of gradually building tension - if you continue to hear it, something isn't working, the bottom space is eroding. The muscles under your other hand should be more and more relaxed as the caning proceeds; if not, it's also a sign that your buildup is not succeeding. This sign is apparent even in a silent bottom.

As you gradually build the intensity, one useful trick is to follow a harder blow with a quick light rain of flutter strokes, right into the same area. These will distract the bottom from any overload (within reason) and take them back to the bottom space that has just been successfully processing light stuff. However, the harder blow will have done its work of moving the whole scene to a slightly higher level.

FURTHER CANING TECHNIQUE
If your warmup has opened the way for more powerful strokes, care must be taken. Canes may seem stiff, but a hard stroke can bend them ninety degrees and more, and a wraparound with a cane can be downright dangerous. Wraps are most common when a top goes to full power, after a well-aimed series of warmup or measuring strokes. The problem is in the top's body dynamics: the momentum of the arm goes up exponentially with increased speed, so the whole body is pulled forward as a heavier stroke is delivered. The full-power stroke automatically reaches several inches further than the lighter stroke that was supposed to "gauge the distance". It's physics; you can't keep it from happening, any more than you can walk on the ceiling. What you can do is allow for it, and train yourself to compensate. You can ease your feet back a bit, or pull your elbow or shoulder back as part of the swing. Or you can do as Mistress Nan Burrows recommends, and take your aiming stroke so that the cane tip lands in the middle of the far cheek, no further. This aiming point will land a full-power stroke that safely spans the full width of the buttocks and no further.

If you do wish to play with harder strokes, practice! Learn to pay close attention to where your cane is landing; this is how you learn to correct your aim. Mistress Nan advises a lot of practice on a cushion. There is a certain kind of upholstery that shows the stroke, but each blow shakes the surface and erases the trace of the preceding blow. Perfect feedback! The upholstery looks to be a kind of heavy-duty velvet; check thrift stores.
When you are ready to try powerful strokes on a human partner, try putting a cushion or blanket roll on the far side of them. This will catch a wraparound harmlessly. Be sure to confine hard strokes to the buttocks below the tailbone and the upper half of the thighs.

CANING AND OTHER PLEASURES
Sexual connections: perhaps a quarter of women, and a very few men, can actually get orgasms from the cane. I think this is incredibly hot, and it makes me very jealous! There will be others who may not actually climax, but get extremely turned on, which can off

The shock waves made by a cane are directional - they tend to continue through the target in the general direction the cane was moving when it hit. In fact, if you slide a hand under your partner's thigh or belly, you can feel the shock of a medium cane stroke go right through them. The "sweet spot" in the lower butt, to either side of the crack, is sweet for this reason; blows here can send waves up into a whole complex of muscles, nerves, and engorged tissue that is directly involved with sexual excitement. Many bottoms will enjoy a steady rhythm of light or medium blows on the sweet spot - especially if they are angled to send their shock waves up and forward. At least one lady I know has called the effect a "rattan vibrator".

One good sign of this sexual connection is a face-down bottom whose hips begin to rise and fall in a steady rhythm. You might try matching that rhythm, with light or medium strokes. Or use your other hand to massage the nerve points around the pelvic dimples and to either side of the last few inches of the spine.

POWER AND ROLEPLAY
Often when I do this, the scene is "pure S/M", sensation for sensation's sake. No roleplay, and no more power exchange than a massage. The concern for smoothness, the bottom's comfort and welfare, and cooperation is difficult to reconcile with many of the traditional roles and scenarios, where the top and bottom play as adversaries. However, there are a few roles possible wherein the person who hits you is not an enemy!

Mentor/Ritualist: The top is a trainer, preparing and coaching the bottom for some ritual ordeal. Or passing on the secrets of mind control, wherein pain becomes ecstasy. Or trying to send the bottom on an astral observation of whatever, or a spirit journey, etc.
Comrade: Who is preparing an agent, or coaching a fellow prisoner, to resist/survive an interrogation. (Of course, the interrogation can follow later, with the top moving into a new role, or new tops coming in for that part.)

Science Fiction: The aliens whose ship crashed think they can recharge the damaged drive crystals, but only by tapping the energy mobilized in what turns out to be this scene.
Some of these may sound hokey, but roleplay always sounds hokey to anyone who is not motivated toward that particular scenario. Find a script that works for you, and suspension of disbelief will come much more easily.

Also, endorphins can lead many bottoms into a profound submissive space. If you enjoy serious D/S or role play, you may find this endorphin-oriented warm-up offers a startlingly good beginning to a more psychological sort of scene.

MAKING YOUR OWN TOYS
Traditional canes are made of rattan, a woody reed from the East Indies. It has a jointed stem that resembles bamboo, but is not hollow. Rattan is very tough and strong, and makes the most durable natural canes I know. Like bamboo, it comes in all sorts of diameters; traditional canes are about 8mm, but thicker and thinner ones are also useful.
Rattan can sometimes be found at craft stores or Oriental basketwork shops. It is used to make wicker furniture, so a repairer of that might have a stock of it as well. Unfortunately, most of the cane-sized rattan that comes into this country has been bent into coils, which warps and sometimes cracks it.

If you must deal with the coiled stuff, it should first be cut to length with a fine-toothed saw. Coping saws and hacksaws work well. A dressmaker's tape is a handy way to measure along the coils. Obviously, you should not include cracked places in your layout.
Less obviously, your canes will be much more durable if the tip includes one of the joints of the stem. The convoluted grain in each joint resists splitting, as opposed to the very straight grain that runs for the foot or so between joints. A lot of the coiled rattan has been peeled and sanded, but the joints are still noticeable if you look and feel carefully. Cut the stem about a stem diameter to one side of the joint; this will become the tip of the cane. (The ends without joints included are fine for handles - the tips are what take the shock and strain.)

You can make the canes any length you like; I prefer 20-30 inches (50-80cm) as they are easier to aim and more convenient in close quarters. Long ones have more power, but can be awkward. The natural variations in your coil will probably give you several choices.
Each tip needs to be rounded off; any kind of edge here will break skin far too easily. Coarse sandpaper works well, especially in a power sander of some kind. Hand sanding will also do, as will a fairly coarse metal file. Whatever you use, try for a smoothly rounded end. Now hand-sand the whole length of each cane with medium paper; try to remove the stray fibers you find sticking up from the wood. They are a nuisance during varnishing.

The cut pieces will have to be soaked and steamed to straighten them without breaking. I soak mind in the bathtub for a day or two, but any water will do. Don't let them dry out. After soaking comes steaming and straightening. You will need some way of keeping the canes straight as they dry; I lay them in a series of grooves I routed into a plank, and then clamp another plank on top of them. You can also try shoving each one down a length of pipe; plastic water pipe won't rust and stain the canes.

When you have your straightening rig set up, boil a big kettle of water. Wrap the canes in a towel or two, lay them in the (drained) tub and pour some boiling water over them. Dose them every minute or so for a few minutes, and then unwrap them; the scalding will make them limp and easy to uncurl. (Dishwashing gloves help keep your fingers from scalding, too.) Quickly, before they can cool, bend them straight and put them in the jig. Put the jig in a dry place with good ventilation for five days (10 if you're metric). :-)

Remove the canes and hang them up for air drying; I use clothespins on cords. After one day of air drying, brush them thoroughly with a coat of spar varnish; Varathane works well. Give each cane at least three coats; let each coat dry enough that you can sand off any lumps. Some newspapers on the floor under them will be a good ideas, since at least one of them will drip no matter how careful you are.

The handle end of each cane can be left as is, or a grip can be added for comfort or appearance. You can dip the handle ends in plastic tool dip - it will take several coats, and you can hang them from the same setup you used in the varnishing. The fumes of this stuff are truly nasty; be sure you have good ventilation. Less toxically, you can wrap the grips with cord or leather lacing, sew a scrap of leather or cloth around them, or cover them with tape. Bicycle handlebar tape makes a fine grip.

You can of course prepare other kinds of wooden rods this way - and avoid all the straightening hassle by picking ones that are straight to begin with. Bamboo is cheap and widely available, and also stiffer than rattan, which makes aiming easier. Bamboo, of course, is hollow and the tip must be made at a joint, just as described for rattan. Bamboo works fine for light to medium blows; heavy blows with it can be dangerous. Bamboo can split without warning, and the splits have edges like razors! Hardwood dowels from the hardware store can have the same problems. Avoid either of these materials for heavy canings.

Many other plants have canelike shoots. Forsythia is a very popular ornamental, and the older branches from the inside of the bush can make quite a reasonable cane. Prepare as you would rattan. They aren't as durable, but the price is right, especially if rattan is hard to buy where you live. Apple trees develop suckers each year, especially upward from the top branches. These grow straight, to about the right length, and are pruned off in great numbers every year. They are quite tough and durable. The buds make rough little bumps along the shoot; they can be sanded off if they seem too harsh.

Some twigs, such as birch or willow, are fine for scenes but far too flexible to be considered or used as canes. Handling them is a whole different topic.

There are also synthetic canes, mostly plastics. Plastics are much denser than wood, so they hit harder and the stroke is more penetrating. They are very easy to clean, which is a good thing because the thinner ones break skin quite easily.


There are shops in most large and medium cities that sell plastic supplies. There can be a confusing variety of materials there: Delrin, Lexan, and fiberglass are three kinds of rod that are tough enough to make good canes. Acrylic is not tough enough; I have broken several. If the clear look appeals to you, get Lexan. Sora, from San Francisco, makes some very nice Lexan canes, if you want to buy ready-made. If you prepare your own, you won't need to varnish them, but be sure to remember to round and smooth the tip!

30 MORE ideas to make your slave/submissive feel Owned (i.e. loved)

31. Have him keep a diary of his journey into submission.

32. Instruct him that he may never get himself something to eat or drink in Your presence without first asking You if You want something.

33. Some evenings, keep him on a leash and take him with You no matter what You do....even if You do not speak to him or include him in Your activities.

34. When appropriate, he is to speak when spoken to.

35. Reward him by giving him delicious pleasure.

36. On occasion, share him.

37. When it suits You, instruct him not to make eye contact with You without Your command.

38. Have him keep his body clean shaven at all times.

39. Conduct random inspections of his body to make sure he keeps himself to Your specifications.

40. Make him wear a butt-plug under his clothes whenever he goes out alone.

41. For transgressions: have him write Your name on the bottom of his foot and tell him to remember he is walking on You with each step. (This is harder to do that You might think....)

42. Dominant the art of the meaningful piercing stare.....

43. Give him reading assignments.

44. Test him on the reading assignments, to make sure he learned the appropriate lessons from each.

45. Instruct him to keep his toenails painted perfectly everyday, and check to see that they are before bed.

46. Make it his responsibility to put the toys away after play and punishment, and to keep them clean and neat.

47. Reward him by letting him name his favorite scene, toys, etc.

48. Call him Your slut, Your pet, etc.

49. Have him make a list of the 10 things that make him the most self-conscious, uncomfortable or embarrassed.

50. Work with him, having him do the things on the list (if possible), so that he conquers those fears and hesitations.

51. Sometimes, pamper him.....wash his body and hair, having him remain perfectly still as You turn him and move him about.

52. Hand feed him like a small child on occasion.

53. Have him eat from a dog bowl on occasion.

54. For transgressions: make him wear a sign to the next public function naming him crime. (ouch)

55. Praise his dedication when he has pleased You well.

56. Instruct him that he is never to touch Your body without permission.

57. Have him write a meditation about him submission, devotion and trust in You....to be said aloud each night before falling asleep.

58. Some days allow him no clothing whatsoever (when practical).

59. For transgressions: deny him play. No pain for you, bad girl....hehe.

60. In the same ilk, for transgressions: deny him orgasm.....give him sex, but He can't cum.

Reasons for males wearing Chastity Belts

Control your submissive/slave's orgasms. This is an extremely powerful and effective relationship device that would prevent him from masturbation.

Psychological comfort for the keyholder: You will never fear him to have sex with someone else.

Domestic obedience: His home will be on the top of his priority list. You will find him helping with the chores.

Tease and denial: Kiss him passionately, tease him, deny his sexual pleasure as long as possible. The results of this denial will be extraordinary.

Total Commitment and Loyalty to his Mistress/Dominant.

***

What are some other reasons, followers?

Strap On Sex Positions

Strap-On Sex Positions

You need to put your man in his place in the bedroom, but you're not sure exactly where to put him? Here are some of the best positions for strap-on sex with your boyfriend.

Doggy Style

Get your guy face down on the bed, couch, or floor, with his head down and his butt up in the air. For extra comfort, he can put a pillow or two under his stomach. This is a good beginner's position because it's comfortable for him and gives you a good view of your target. 

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Classic Bend Over Boyfriend

Another submissive position has him standing and bent over at the waist, bracing his hands on his knees, or on a tabletop, chair, or edge of the bed. In this position you can easily reach around to stroke his cock.

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Ride 'Em Cowboy

This position can work well if your boyfriend is not too much bigger or heavier than you; otherwise, you may feel you are about to get crushed. Lay on your back and have him straddle you and lower himself onto the dildo. Thrust upward with your hips to fuck him as he rides your cock. This position allows you to jack him off easily because his dick is within easy reach.

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Role Reversal

Don't forget the standard missionary position - with a twist. Have him lay down on his back and slip a pillow or two under his butt to raise it up a bit. Then he lifts his legs up while bending them at the knees. After entering his ass, you can lay on top of him and fuck him face to face. This is a romantic position because it allows the partners to make eye contact, kiss, and embrace. If he's flexible, he can also raise his legs up over your shoulders, which will allow for deeper penetration.

Take it like a man

30 ideas to make Your slave feel Owned (i.e. loved)

How do you make your submissive/slave feel owned/loved.  What are some of the daily/weekly reminders you employ to reassure them their submission to you is important. 

One of the main factors, for a submissive/slave feeling truly Owned is to be constantly reminded throughout the day of his Dominant's control.  These reminders can be subtle or really obtrusive. The more often a slave is reminded of his submission, the deeper it becomes....and the more fulfilling. So here are some ideas You might want to try... And no matter what rules You decide to make Your own, please....be consistent. 

If You are unwilling to take the time to enforce the rules You make, then there may as well be no rules at all.  There is nothing in the world that will make a slave feel less loved than to have a Mistress who ignores his transgressions and does not exert their Dominance.

1. Have him wear slave bells. The constant soft jingling of the bells is soothing and a certain reminder of his submission. 
2. When he has broken a rule, talk to him as You punish....and make him speak in detail about why/what he did was wrong. 
3. Make him take his shoes off every day as soon as he enters Your house. 
4. A beautiful, special collar will make any slave joyous. Take the time to select the right one, and have him wear it as often as possible. 
5. Have him call You each day at a specified time, no excuses. 
6. Give him anklets and tell him he must wear one of them every day, no excuses. 
7. Whenever possible (i.e. no curious young-uns about), have him kneel before You and ask to accompany You upon the furniture. 
8. Choose his hairstyle and go with him to get it cut to Your specifications. 
9. Whenever possible (i.e. no curious young-uns about), have him display himself whenever You come into the room.....legs spread, shirt unbuttoned. No matter what position You take, he is to be sure Your view is unobstructed 
10. When around the kids or vanilla friends/family, make sure he has an alternative title for You besides Mistress.....such as "my Love" etc. 
11.  Use him sexually in a rough, selfish way when You feel like it....interrupting whatever he was doing. 
12. Choose a food that he dislikes and have him eat a small portion every day for a week. 
13. Have him crawl to bed each night. 
14. Bring him a stuffed animal each time You go out of town. ~smiles~ 
15. Choose his clothing each day. 
16. Have him get Your daily wardrobe ready for You the night before....laid out, ironed etc. 
17. After punishment, have him kiss Your boots and thank You for loving him enough to correct him. 
18. Have him bring a warm towel and wash and massage Your feet each day after work. 
19. Get him tattooed (Your choice of art and location). 
20. Get him pierced (or preferably if You are trained, do it Yourself). 
21. Get him branded. 
22. Respect, but push his limits. 
23. Ask him each night what he did that day that You would not have approved of *smiles*.  This gets him in the habit of being completely honest, and also makes him conscious of the things he could do better each day. 
24. Teach him exactly how You want him to kneel, and demand perfection. 
25. Reward him by allowing him to please You sexually. 
26. Supervise his workout routine. 
27. Each night he is to kneel next to the bed asking permission to sleep with his Dominant, and each night he does, he is to kneel by the bed in the morning and thank his Dominant for the privilege. 
28. Have him polish Your boots weekly, on him knees at Your feet. 
29. Negotiate until you are both comfortable with the terms and then sign a contract. 
30. Give him a writing assignment: "The definition of Pain - 1000 words" 

FemDom

Female dominance (or Femdom) refers to BDSM activities where the dominant partner is female; the submissive partner may be of either sex. It can also refer to non BDSM based relationships, that are based on P.E (power exchange) and D/s (Dominance and submission), where the general overall relationship dynamic is female led, and the female dominance is not solely, or only partly defined on BDSM interests. Female dominant relationships may or may not include BDSM activities.

Female dominance may or may not have anything to do with fetish, sexual or BDSM activities. By it's very definition, it may refer to a female who identifies as a dominant personality. Some female dominants may or may not seek a consensual hierarchical structure within their personal relationships. Within the D/s and BDSM community, it commonly refers to her consensual dominance over her partner; where the submissive partner has allowed the dominant female to exercise her dominance, and defers to her. This is often referred to as D/s (dominance and submission) or P.E (power exchange).

So why are protocols used in D/s relationships?

There are as many answers to this question as there are people using them. However, the most common reasons appear to be that the protocol:

• creates a clear distinction between the Dominant and the slave
• provides a good foundation for the relationship
• through its rules clarifies for the slave how to serve and behave in different situations
• strengthens the bond between Domnant and slave by distinguishing them and their unique relationship from others

Most protocols are directed towards the slave. They often regulate the slave's behavior, communication, and interaction in one way or the other. 

Protocols can be very simple or very detailed. They can prescribe the specific way in which certain tasks have to be performed. The slave might have to use specific honorifics and figures of speech for addressing his Dominant. Each individual task or action might have its own rules. Clearly, the more specialised the rules are, the more difficult they become to learn as well as to enforce. When the number of rules increases (and often it does if one tries to provide rules for every possible situation) the protocol becomes cumbersome and almost impossible to keep track of. The slave will have difficulty learning and separating the numerous rules for all the different situations. And yes, it also becomes increasingly more difficult for the Dominant to reinforce and correct all mistakes.

How to get a Domme’s attention...

A Domme isn't that much unlike any other woman when it comes to courting them or trying to get their attention.

Rules to live by:

1. Be respectful.
2. Proofread anything you write for punctuation and spelling.
3. Do not solicit them. Introduce yourself (without bragging). Be polite. Explain that you would be interested in getting to know more about them.
4. Listen to what they have to say and engage them in further conversation.
5. If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything. Eventually, she will be making you do everything.
6. Forget about the fact that she's a Domme because that really doesn't mean a great deal. Just talk to her as you would talk to anyone else. Be polite, be respectful and show a genuine interest in her as a person. In regards to promoting yourself as a sub, I'd be more inclined to try and promote yourself as a person.
7. Be a whole person first, and treat her as a whole person first.  

Domination and submission - 23/11/12 (22527)

I requested my Kinky Ass-istant to conduct another task for to be handed in by today, 23rd November 2012.  Being the impressive gurl, she is, the assignment was handed in promptly.  I requested she write me half a page about meaning of a D/s dynamic.  This is what she wrote:

Domination and submission

Domination and submission means many more things than can be written in half a page but I will try and explain what it means to me.

The D/s dynamic, to me, is the mental side of BDSM. Physical contact, though desired is not necessary. It is based on the ability of the Dominant person to get inside the mind of the submissive. The people involved do not necessarily need to know each other; though for the relationship to work they must learn from each other about what works for each. They do not need to know real names or even meet as the relationship can be carried out by phone, email or even old fashioned snail mail.

What is absolutely required is that the participants get erotic enjoyment or some form of pleasure from either dominating or being dominated. The domination does not have to be sexual. The submissive can gain great pleasure from just serving and pleasing the Dominant as the Dominant can take pleasure from being served and pleased.

I think most people think of dungeons, whips and chains when D/s is mentioned and in many cases that may be exactly what they desire. It is not that for me. To me it is about control and consent. I look for the opportunity to do something for you that will please you in some way. I hope that you will get pleasure from setting me something to do that will benefit you, amuse you, entertain you or in some way make you smile that smile. It doesn't have to be sexual or sadistic, although that is always welcome; it is just about doing something simply because you ask for it to be done. It will always be my pleasure to attempt whatever you want because you want it. I hope that I am not only compliant to your will but actively seeking to do my best for you. I want, more than any pleasure of mine, to please you.

D/s is also about trust and respect. I need to be able to trust that you will not do anything, or ask anything of me that would harm me or my life just as you need to trust that I will not seek to interfere in any way with your life. I have the utmost respect for you as a Person, a Dominant Lady and of course your absolute right to privacy. I believe that you respect my privacy as well.

I do not believe that all Dominants are by nature cruel any more than I believe that all submissive's are ‘doormats’ though of course some are. Many submissive's are Dominant in their normal life and enjoy the giving up of power in a D/s relationship. Some submissive's dominate other submissive's.

What D/s means to me is submitting to you in whatever way you desire, if it is possible for me to do so, but not for what I get out of it, but the hope that it gives you pleasure in some form. My pleasure is always secondary to that but when I please you I gain great enjoyment from it.

Corner Time

Comments from a recent Corner Time discussion.

v    Corner time is a time for reflection about the wrong doings that have been done and how the sub/slave/bottom can improve himself/herself.  I very much enjoy giving Corner Time for those who are deserving :)

v    Actually, I would say there is some value to it, not so much as a punishment, but as a quiet period of reflection. In life, we are always doing something - online, TV, work, reading, chatting, etc.  How often do you just stay still and do nothing? It can be quite refreshing and calming.

v    Despite the boredom, I do a lot of great reflecting from the corner, which I suppose is the point, right?  It's usually its own punishment with no spanking involved. Usually for not speaking up about something. My hands can go wherever they want, but they often end up crossed as I lean against a wall. Happily, I'm pretty good and haven't done time in a while ;)

v    I think corner time is mostly to be sure I get the very most benefit from my punishment. Its reflective time while my bottom is most tender to let his work on my hinnie travel the long way up to my brain and leave a lasting impression. Sometimes I think its so he can admire his coloring of my cheeks as well.

v    Corner time is supposed to be time to think about your punishment and how to avoid doing the same things again. It feels more like being punished and then sent away so he won't have to deal with you anymore. It usually only lasts about 10 or 15 minutes and I can tolerate it when my husband does it. I really hate it and spend the time wishing he would let me out and hold me, at least for the few minutes that it lasts.

v    I don't like giving or receiving corner time after a spanking, that' a time for reassuring cuddling. Nevertheless, I like it before (at both ends of the whip): it's a way of building the anticipation, you are waiting for your punishment, you don't know how long it will take and you are forced to think about it because you have nothing else to do.

v    I use corner time for real punishment and funishment when requested. The time could be from 30 minutes to an hour and I have the miscreant sit on a hard chair or a coarse fibre door mat (after his/her spanking).

v    Corner time gives him/her enough time to reflect on the reason.

v    Corner time would only work if it was given before the (disciplinary) spanking. It might then raise my anticipation level. There would be an optimum time though, I could not stay anxious for more than 10 minutes I think, after that I would get bored.

v    To me, corner time before a spanking increases my awareness on all levels. My senses seem to heighten, knowing what is to come. My mind whirls with apprehension, wonder, and nervousness. It gives me time to reflect on the reason I am in the corner to begin with, and what is going to follow. Corner time after a spanking, offers me a chance to "cool" down, tears to dry up, contemplate exactly what happened, and why it shouldn't happen again as my bottom throbs. Also standing there with a red bare throbbing bottom can humble you pretty quickly.

v    For me it is simply a very vital part of the discipline that I need in my life.

v    My preference is corner time. It is more 'physical' to Me. Plus you can add all sorts of variations depending on the original infraction - kneeling on cat litter, table tennis ball stays between nose and wall and so on.  I also think it is more humiliating. :-)

v    I like the fact that corner time gives me time to calm down and think about what I did wrong, but I hate the fact that I know I disappointed the person who put me in the corner and that they are watching my every move while I'm in the corner and that they won't allow me to talk to them while I'm in the corner :(

v    Having a spanking, then corner time, being assigned to contemplate my misbehavior, then being asked what i learned, is beneficial to me in so many ways.