The Heart of a Slave

Author: Master Steve of Butchmann's abt 1993.

A slave is an individual born with a slave spirit. No one can make an individual have this spirit; nothing can be done to create this state in an individual's being. No one trying hard or wishing for this sense of spirit can develop it within themselves and no Master can cause it to occur.

A slave is an extraordinary human being who is born with this slave spirit - as much as they are born to breathe, or have gifted talents like design or music. A slave is extraordinary, rare and most often confused until they discover their slave spirit heart. Most slave’s wander through life feeling unfulfilled - as if they have a "dark hole" in their spirit - a hole that can be temporarily filled with an abundance of sex, work, addictive behavior or other whole-life-consuming factors.

Slaves often have a sense of the spiritual (some become clergy), but feel this sense of spiritual awareness to be disconnected from their desire for a Mastery/slavery relationship. A slave has a right to feel joy and pride in their slavery and in service to a Master. Slave is often confused seeing Dominance as Mastery; SM as completion; or fetish focus as the fulfillment of this "dark hole" in their spirit. Many can find enough fulfilments in these areas to develop a sense of wholeness (often a quiet longing exists - although for what, the slave doesn't know).

The heart of a slave can be actualized only when the spiritual journey occurs that connects this "dark hole" in the spirit to the whole spirit and then to the universe. It is a process of a painful and trusting leap of faith that causes this connectedness to occur - a truly spiritual journey. The heart of a slave can only be complete in service to a Master and it is within this service that the spiritual journey occurs. Slavery is not about a "hard dick or clit experience", although hard dicks and clits happen and are enjoyed. Slavery is the completion of a spirit in search of "connectedness" in the universe.

Training your slave with these hand signals...

My submissive J

Well it is almost NYE.  Incredible really that 2015 is just around the corner.

I am sitting in bed relaxing after an interesting night.

Today, I have been browsing the usual Kink sites I am on and whilst doing this I received a text from my potential submissive.  This submissive is driven, motivated and committed.  Unfortunately for us both, he lives up north so connecting will be irregular.  He has been around me for one month now.  We met up north to ensure our compatibility.  We were.

He is just lovely.  Intelligent, charming, articulate, gentle, and strong.

The reason for writing this is because submissive J continues to strive well in his commitment to me by sending his daily texts even when he is travelling around the country.  Even when he works long hours, his relatives are unwell, through flooding and drought,and unwellness, he continues to stick to his commitment to me.  I have only come across three other males who were able to maintain this kind of contact in the past 5 years.

slave K, sub B, slave A and now, submissive J.

Its heartening to know there really are slaves and submissives out there who dedicated themselves to me, even though at times they teetered about whether to continue in their service to me.

Thank you to submissive J for remaining focussed on me amidst the other commitments in your life.  Another breath of fresh air... for a change.

Being submissive doesn't mean being someone's doormat.  It doesn't mean you are weak.  It means YOU are strong enough to know your desires, strong enough to let go of the control.  Being submissive isn't easy, and it isn't for the weak!

Expectations II

Good evening
Well its almost the end of 2014.

I just wanted to convey some thoughts about my expectations in a D/s dynamic.

It appears the majority of males are only interestED in serving Dominant Women if they can also fuck them.

If there is no fucking, then there is no interest in service or a 'relationship'.  And that is OK, people.  To each their own.

My expectations for those who do wish to connect with me through a D/s dynamic are:

• Show me a commitment in your service to me by undertaking service tasks, and daily communications
• Be unattached as I don't want the wife or girlfriend coming after me or interfering with the dynamic
• I have no problem with sex on my terms - for discussion in private.
• Attending public Kink events 
• Accepting pain for my pleasure.

All these expectations would be discussed in length as part of the negotiation and consent process. However, I had to list my expectations for 'relationships' prior to anything forming as many males get too caught up in how pretty, beautiful, sexy I am - they become too fixated on the pretty pics - and not my words.  Visual creatures you males are.

That said, I am visual, myself.

What I don't want in a submissive/switch partner -

• Overweight (beer gut or just a fat gut)
• Beards
• Small cocks (less than 6 inches)

• Single-minded sexually
• Fear of pain
• Arrogance

I will repost this in 2015 blog as well just so people know my expectations!

Basics of Service

 The basic principle of submissive service in a public setting can be summed up in one word: Attentiveness.

Your behavior should reflect your attentiveness to the dominant's needs and desires at all times. Your role is to serve those needs and desires. Is your dominant about to light up a cigarette? Is your dominant's coffee cup empty or has the coffee grown cold? Does he or she need a chair to sit on? Does your dominant have special needs (physical challenges, dietary restrictions)?

It is your job to ensure that the dominant's comforts are served by making any and all appropriate arrangements to make the dominant's life easy. Similarly, it is your joyful task to demonstrate, through your attitude and demeanor, that the dominant's needs come first. Your ability to devotedly serve your dominant is a standard by which others will judge you AND your dominant.

Not only will your attentiveness please your dominant but it will impress those you meet both with your dominant's power and your submissiveness. In other words, you will be a submissive who a dominant is proud to own and one who others will believe is worth ownership.

Some submissives mistake their ability to take a heavy beating as the proof of their devotion. Certainly, it can be a highly erotic type of service to endure heavy pain for your dominant, but what about all those moments when your dominant isn't "doing" you? Are you as good a slave to her (or him) during the quiet moments as you are when your dominant is giving you what you crave?

The following guidelines will help you to convey to your dominant and others that your wish to serve is sincere.

Rules of Public SM Etiquette

1. Call a dominant by the title of her or his choice (e.g., Mistress, Ma'am, Master, Sir, etc.) If you don't know what his or her preference is, ASK.
2. Don't lunge at a dominant, stand too close to him or her, or thrust your hand out in greeting. Wait politely until the dominant greets you or initiates a handshake.
3. You don't need to act like a mouse but it is respectful to periodically lower your eyes in deference to the dominant.
4. The only person who has the right to give you orders is someone to whom you have consensually surrendered control. If such a person gives an order, an appropriate response would be, "Yes, Sir" or "Yes, Ma'am."
5. When an order is given, do your best to comply immediately.
6. If the order pushes a limit, either use your safe word (if you have one), or tell the dominant that you are having a problem and need to talk to him or her.
7. If a dominant wanna-be tries to order you around, an appropriate response would be, "I have not consented to this."
8. Anyone who tries to pressures you into service or tells you it is expected of all submissives should be avoided.
9. Basic rule of thumb: if someone is rude to you, you are under no obligation to be polite to them, even if he or she is a dominant. Clearly he or she is not a good one.
10. Open doors for the dominant and wait until she (or he) passes through before following.
11. Have a lighter or matches handy so you can light a dominant's cigarette or cigar.
12. If the dominant does smoke, discreetly empty the ashtray every so often.
13. Offer to fetch a drink for the dominant.
14. Keep an eye on the dominant's beverage glass and offer to get a refill whenever it is empty.
15. Offer to carry the dominant's coat, equipment bag, or other cumbersome object.
16. When standing beside your dominant, make sure to stand just behind his or her elbow, so that the dominant is slightly in front of you. (Note: some dominants may require that you kneel in attendance.)
17. Do not assume you may take a chair beside your dominant unless she or he has already discussed this with you. Wait until your dominant tells you where to sit. If the dominant gives you no instruction, politely ask where she or he would like you to be.
18. Avoid starting requests with phrases such as "I want" or "I need." Instead, ask for the privilege by starting with: "May I please" or "Mistress/Master, may I have permission to...".
19. If you are in a club or at a party, never bolt away from your dominant's side or give the impression that you would rather be anyplace else but next to your dominant. If something exciting is going on which you are dying to watch, or if you see people you know, ask permission to go.
20. No matter how attractive another dominant may be, when you are in the company of your dominant, control yourself and do not flirt or otherwise express untoward interest in someone else. Even if you are not yet collared or formally owned, if you wish to become owned, you will significantly reduce your chances by acting shallow.
21. Always remember to say "thank you" for every privilege your dominant grants you. For example, if you've received permission to do something, do not charge off like an animal just released from a cage. It gives others the impression that you couldn't wait to leave your dominant's side.
22. Do not argue in public with your dominant. If you are genuinely upset about something which cannot wait until you get home, ask your dominant for permission to discuss it privately and out of earshot of the crowd,

The Submissive:

~ written by Sir Magic ~

A submissive is one who hears the calling to submit, to surrender their control to another and not only obey, but serve. A sub lives to give of themselves to another; to see the needs of their Dominant come first. In doing this, the submissive fulfills a deep, aching, silent void within them.

Do not think just because someone is a submissive they are weak. To the contrary, some of the strongest individuals I know are sub's and slaves. Within BDSM there is a saying, "I'm submissive, not stupid ". What this ultimately means in my eyes is with "if you look down upon a submissive for being so, you have totally missed the whole point... and you're an asshole.

The "sub" differs from the slave in key area's. Technically, as much as I dislike it, you can "be" submissive and it is something you can "do". A submissive has a laundry list of things they will NOT do and conditions they will only serve under.

With the proliferation of on-line BDSM chat rooms and cyber "wannabes" the line between sub and slave has been seriously blurred. It is not uncommon now for the term "sub" or "slave" to be used interchangeably when in essence they ARE different things.

From my perspective, as a long time, real life practitioner, if you are Married or cyber, you can be a sub. However, until you are at the feet of your Dom (or Dominant) with their collar around your neck, you can't be a slave in the true sense of the term. If you are married and your Dominant is someone other than your spouse, I don't see how you can truly be a slave. The old saying applies here, "you can't serve two Masters (Mistresses) ".

Worthy To Be Owned - Tips for submissives/slaves

~ written by Norisch1 ~

There are many things that make a submissive desirable in this realm. To me however there are some things that take precedence over others, obedience, manners, etiquette, and attentiveness are top on my priority list. Nothing frustrates me more than to see a Dominant with a pretty little show piece near by talking to his or her friends while an empty drink glass sits waiting to be refilled, or watching a Dominant have to run around and search for a submissive/slave because he or she has wandered off. No matter what gender, race, age, ethnicity, education, or appearance, if a submissive/slave does not have the basics of protocol and behavior down pat then nothing else matters.

Most submissives/slaves learn basic manners and etiquette from their mother, although it appears that not all mothers were as particular as my mother was on this issue. My mother used to say "Manners are cheap it’s a shame more people don’t have them" and "You don’t have to be well educated to know what good manners are." My mother, God rest her soul, used to pound manners and proper etiquette into myself and my sisters every chance she had, she believed that manners not money that made the difference between "white trash" and a millionaire. In her way of thinking you could be wearing a $3,000.00 custom made Italian suit and be "white trash" if you had bad manners. Why am I explaining the diligence of my mother in an article about BDSM? Simple the way a submissive behaves directly corresponds to the value of the individual in my honest opinion. Not only does it corresponds to their value but it also directly reflects on the Dominant as well. In my opinion a rude or ill-mannered submissive/slave is a definite sign of a poor Dominant. Like wise a well-mannered, obedient submissive/slave is a sign of a loving, attentive Dominant.

I have written down a few tips that I think are a good start to understanding good manners, and proper etiquette.

• Upon first meeting a new individual ask what title they would prefer to be addressed by (Master, Mistress, Sir, Ma’am, Goddess, etc.), do not assume that you have the right to address someone in a familiar manner or to use that individual’s title until you have earned that right.
• Do not rush up to someone and initiate contact, politely stand and wait to be acknowledged.
• Do not run about, dashing from here to there, unless you have been instructed to do so. Walk slowly and with precision. Stand straight with your shoulders back and your head straight, walk with pride and dignity, there is no excuse for poor posture.
• Do not be mousy, discreetly lowering your eyes is acceptable but do not appear timid or frightened.
• Do not hang on or crowd a Dominant, there is such a thing as smothering someone even in this lifestyle.
• Walk or stand slightly behind and to the side of the Dominant, if you are unsure of which side, ask.
• Do not wander off, if you need to excuse yourself, ask permission to leave and then return as quickly as possible, do not assume that you have permission to go somewhere other than the original request or that you have blanket permission to wander about.
• Be attentive, be ready when your Dominant needs you.
• Be discreet, when your Dominant is in the middle of a conversation and you wish to ask a question do not interrupt, simply stand waiting until you are acknowledged and then proceed. If it is important simply place your hand on the Dominant’s arm or shoulder and whisper in his or her ear. If it is an emergency, it is justified to interrupt, but remember to apologize for doing so.
• If there is someone you wish to talk to, ask permission from your Dominant first. If the individual is a Dominant you are then expected to ask his or her permission to speak with them. If the individual is an owned submissive/slave you are expected to ask their Dominant permission before you speak with them. If the individual is not owned, simply ask them if you may speak.
• Keep an eye on your Dominant’s glass, make sure that it does not go empty or if it does that it does not stay that way long.
• If your Dominant smokes, keep a lighter or matches available so that you may light his or her cigarette when need be, also make sure to supply him or her with an ashtray and discreetly empty it on occasion.
• When asked a question the correct response would be "Yes, Sir" or "Yes, Ma’am", or "No, Sir" or "No, Ma’am". Even with another submissive/slave you should show respect. If the individual is a close friend or you are on familiar terms a less formal way of answering may be acceptable, but by no means say "Yup" or "Nah".
• Do not pick at your clothes or fidget, it can be very distracting.
• Do not use profanity, there are far to many eloquent words out there that will confuse the dickens out of the well deserving idiot.
• Keep your voice low, shouting across a room is unacceptable, unless it is an emergency.
• Open the door for the Dominant, male or female, and then politely wait until he or she is through to proceed.
• When given permission to leave the Dominant’s side do not bolt off, it gives the impression you can’t wait to get away from him or her.
• Never stare at another individual.
• Offer to carry your Dominant’s coat or bags, or any cumbersome items.
• Keep an eye on your Dominant at all times, even if you are not by his or her side it is wise to glance over frequently to see if your services are needed.
• No not apologize for your Dominant’s behavior unless given instructions to do so.
• Do not talk about your Dominant with anyone else unless you have been given permission.
• If someone is rude to you, you are under no obligation to be polite to them, also tell your Dominant about the behavior, he or she may wish to educate the individual on the proper manner in which you should be addressed.
• If someone that you are not associated with attempts to order you to do something, politely state that you belong to another, or that you did not consent to serving them.
• If you are given instructions and there is a question, ask.
• If you have been given an order, do your best to comply immediately, or apologize and explain any possible delay.
• Ask permission before you take a seat and do not assume that you may sit on the furniture unless you have discussed so prior. Some Dominants expect their submissive/slave to stand or kneel nearby.
• Always remember to say "Thank You" for any privilege granted.
• Do not pout! If you ask permission for something and are denied, accept it, do not pout or ask questions.
• Do not flirt or show undo interest in someone else, it does not show your best side to act shallow.
• Do not correct your Dominant in public, if you wish to correct him or her do it privately and with respect.
• Do not argue with your Dominant in public, if you feel the need to say something, then request a discrete separation to talk to him or her, but again remember to show respect.
• Do not raise your voice or question your Dominant.
• Do not whine, it is a good way to loose the option to speak for the night.
• Do not be overly affectionate in public, instead follow your Dominant’s lead. Allow the Dominant to set the mood and decide to what degree the behavior should be.
• Never constantly look at your watch, it says that you would rather be somewhere else, other than at your Dominant’s side. If you have been instructed to keep an eye on time to be able to make an appointment then do so discreetly, do not be obvious.
• Always have a pen and paper available in case your Dominant may need it.
• If going to a place that serves alcohol, never drink to excess, you must be able to tend to your Dominant at all times. Also never allow your Dominant to drink and drive or attempt to do so yourself.
• If you cough, sneeze or yawn, say "Excuse me," or "Pardon me."

At all times remember that you are representing your Dominant. If you are unsure of how to behave, just think of how your Dominant would behave and later ask for clarification.

The Wild Rose – Nourishing the Feminine Dominant

~ written by Midori ~

Dominant, kinky women are frustrated, and not in the good way.  They are getting prickly and thorny.

Of course I don’t mean all dominant women are frustrated. There are those who are fulfilled, actualised and satisfied—but seem to be just as many who aren’t. I know this because, in the process of exploring and teaching the art and pleasure of sensual dominance, I’m often privy to the women’s concerns and dissatisfactions. The ugly truth is that many don’t feel heard, understood, appreciated or pleased.

Surprised? You’d think that a woman who has found pleasure in taking charge erotically would get what she wants. Put on the outfit, throw on the attitude and she can just demand for what she wants, right?

No.

There’s a whole lot more that goes into the blossoming of the happy dominant—there are development stages and an art to the cultivation of the feminine dominant which can be as challenging as the most prickly roses.
Each of us harbors vast potential for erotic desires, pleasures and personae, like a mix of mystery seeds within us. As we begin our conscious adult sexual lives, most of us aren’t aware of what our ‘seed packs’ contain. They may be daisies, wild flowers, night blooming jasmine, or belladonna. Rarely do we come equipped with only a single type of seed or a singular sensual predisposition. Even the most dominant woman or man has sensual expressions beyond that. To assume that a woman must conform to one flora type, or that all dominant women have the same flora type in common, is to utterly disregard her uniqueness from the get go. Does her complexity baffle you? Does she not fit your image of a dominant? If so, congratulate her in her uniqueness, for you have a very special rose. To treat these as flaws and letdowns can lead to her frustration and dissatisfaction.

Sadly, most of us let the world around us—parents, religion, media and peers—stick a label on our seed packet, and we blindly accept that as truth of our content. The potential of our libidinous flora is vast, but only if we bother to plant them in fertile soil. If the history of sexual politics is any indication, San Francisco, Seattle and Berlin are among the places with some of the richest cultural ‘soil’ for these seeds to germinate and sprout. These cultural environments provide mulch rich in permission and low in toxic shame factor. Seeds left too long in cultural or domestic environments high in the toxic mix of shame, guilt, judgment and oppression, seem to stifle growth and encourage black mold of bigotry to flourish. Various corners of online cultures also provide conditions that may be sensually rich, or depressingly barren. Sadly, at times of our erotic potential goes unplanted, like seeds left in the bag and forgotten, so we never get the chance to see what might come to bloom.

Let’s say that a woman has the chance to plant her sensual seeds in a lush environment, and from that sprout a range of pleasures, from sweet and gentle to ravishing, or even demanding and commanding. She has her initial thrills with engaging her dominance. Perhaps her lover’s permission made this fruitful condition possible, or maybe it was something she read, or a workshop she attended. Permission to explore is the starts this growth, but this permission alone isn’t enough for a woman to find full joy in sensual dominance. The Dominant hasn’t blossomed yet.

If the lover does nothing more than give permission, but doesn’t continue to encourage, celebrate and honor her explorations, it’s akin to forgetting to water the plant after it starts to sprout. Don’t expect that simply finding the initial spark of dominance is all she needs to instantly gain the confidence to know and get what she wants. She may be facing an entire lifetime of labels and expectations to overcome. It’s a vulnerable time where the growth could be stunted, embittered, twisted with resentment or even killed off. These things will happen if you expect perfection, total confidence, and full delivery of your fantasy. She is not your FemBot fantasy machine. She is a real woman. Keep in mind that without the proper nurturing even the most enthusiastic seedling can wither and desires crumble.

The proper nourishment of the budding dominant depends also on her own efforts to truly understand what pleases her. If she let’s others tell her what she should enjoy, whether that’s her lover or her newfound kinky community, she’s fallen back into unexamined passivity, and that’s not any sort of empowered state of dominance. Even if a woman is being bitingly bitchy and domineering, she’s demurring into angry passivity if she’s behaving based on what she thinks she’s supposed to do. She’s now effectively stunted or twisted her dominant growth potential.

She needs to examine deeply what truly makes her happy. Her lover or bottom can be an integral part of this by genuinely caring about her joy and actively engaging in dialogue with her on what thrills her. It’s tragically common for a bottom to simply assume that what they want is also what the dominant wants. Listen to her and nourish her with what feeds her desires. 

Opinions on Service 3

From a Sister:

There are those who serve from a true need to do so, they derive their pleasure from pleasing others. They don't expect a "reward" as we think of it. Doing it well, and seeing a positive reaction IS the reward.

There are those who serve because of the person they are with and their desire to see that person happy. It's not a need they have, but something they are willing to do because it is desired by someone they care for. Those usually do need some form of payback, even if it's just positive attention and affection.

These may look the same, even sound a bit the same, but the motivation is completely different.

Then there are the tit for tat types...service is fine so long as there is always a reward / play after service is provided. Not my type, but I know of people who have made such arrangements as service of a particular form in return for play...it has it's place.


The sexual doesn't enter into it for me...I either want it or not, but it can't be earned. It isn't dependent on service.

Opinions on Service 2

From a Sister:

I have more than one sub and all of them contribute some service to our varying relationships (I'm poly, but the relationships vary because everyone is different).

One is a polyamorous partner (secondary both ways), decades-long dear friend & lover, and occasional service sub. He installed eyebolts to start my playroom, has moved heavy goods, and has plans (which I need to nag) to fell a tree in my yard this winter.

One is a service sub who volunteered for my garden and yard needs, and the range of chores has grown and become seasonal. We get together usually once or twice a week; he'll deal with his chores/projects, cleans up, and we have a play date. (He also loves to experiment with new toys, contributing to both our fun!) He's great fun to play with, we both leave smiling. I find our relationship style that of service top & service bottom.

And another sub is only present a few weeks of the year; when he is present, however, his relationship is closest to that of the mythical "twue subbie" (TM pending). His desire to be of service to me is quite literal; what can I do to make my lady's life easier? Sometimes he fetches me something to drink before I ask; sometimes he works on my antiquated house wiring. And sometimes he just squats quietly next to me at a play party so that he can observe and anticipate what I'll need/want next. Carrying toy bags? Opening doors? Cleaning toys? It works for us.


I love them all, in different ways. ;-)

Opinions on Service

From a Sister:

I define "service" as any non-sexual, non-play, service provided by a slave or submissive. everything from a massage, to cleaning the cat box.

I have in the past had play-only relationships, however I do not currently have that dynamic with anyone. I expect partners to provide service at some level, even in a play only relationship. Carry the gear bags, set up, tear down, general fetching of anything I might want or need.

I have a full time live in slave who is a service slave , as well as a "play partner".  Having come from a primarily play-only type background, his diving into a full-time service position has been a journey to say the least.


Rewards for his excellent and thoughtful service, as first and foremost, expressions of thanks, or gratitude, as appropriate; secondly, rewards of types of play he enjoys, or even rewards of a more vanilla nature.


I do not feel I am dependent upon his service, as I am able to do those things for myself when I so choose. However the joy of having a service slave is that those things are done to make my life easier.

Dinner 2/12/14

Well slave mani cooked for me and the family this evening.

A chicken noodle dish.  It was quite pleasant.

He has a lot to learn about domestic service though.  Setting the table, serving the meal, cleaning up after cooking, clearing the table, serving me correctly, ensuring my glass is filled, cleaning the kitchen after meal finished.

Focussing on his continued service to me rather than his phone.

However, this is his first time to 'cook' for a Mistress and her family... and being a newbie in this type of service was a little nerve-wracking for him.  The food was pleasant and everyone enjoyed it.

Being attentive when in my presence is not his strong point I have observed.  That said, he is on a short-term contract and he has experienced various types of service in the short time with me so if nothing else, this sweet slave will go away with some new experiences.

We did not meet tonight to play due to venue being unavailable.  Let me say, it is nice being in bed on this cold damp evening, relaxing with a glass of wine and reading a book...oh and updating my blog.

Tomorrow, slave will spend some time with my submissive.  I am sure they will have a lovely outing together.

PROTOCOL (guide/suggestion to create your own)

How the protocol should be undertaken? / How do you expect the submissive to act?

How do YOU expect the submissive/slave to behave:

How to address you in public and private

How to dress in public and private

How to sit / Where to sit in public and private

How to serve in private

How to eat / When to eat

How to shower / bathe

How to groom for your Dominant

How to greet you in morning / evening

How to behave in public

  

This is a model for the relationship. It is the Dominants' responsibility to establish the protocol. DO NOT send your submissive out on the net looking for that “magic” protocol that must be followed.  Create your own protocols from the above, and add more as your experience grows.

FemDom Face Slapping video

FaceSlapping Vid

Now peeps, be careful of the ads and pops up.  Just exit out of them.  And make sure you have your anti-spyware program update on JUST IN CASE!

This video is fucken awesome!  I think I am going to incorporate this into my future plays.  Yum!

slave m's task

An assignment I ask of all the males who are keen to come into my service.  Of course, I am very selective about who is permitted to serve me.

This is slave m's, my interstate slave, response to the task requested of him two weeks ago:

Humiliations
• Puppy/role play (good)
• Being feed by hand (good)
• Licking Goddess’s feet (good)
• Objectification (good)
• Light Cross-dressing (good)
• Corner time (harder)
• Public Physical/Verbal Humiliation (harder)
• Verbal browbeating (harder)
• Forced Bi (harder)
• Heavy cross-dressing (harder)

Rewards
• Being in Goddess’s presence
• Pats/nuzzles
• Being allowed to kneel/sit by Goddess’s side
• Body worship
• Bathing Goddess
• Sexual release
• Playing with Goddess and Her friends
• Compliments
• Sleeping next to Goddess’s bed
• Trust of being welcomed into Goddess’s home

Punishments
• Being ignored
• Kneeling on a hard floor
• A cold hard caning
• A cold hard whipping
• Standing in the corner
• Restrictive rope bondage for a long period
• Bastinado
• Remorseless Tickling
• Long term caging
• Extreme cbt

Subspace

Subspace (also sub space, headspace, flying, or floating), in the context of a BDSM scene, is the psychological state of the submissive partner. The term is unrelated to the mathematical term subspace.

Subspace is a metaphor for the state the submissive's mind and body is in during a deeply involved play scene. Many types of BDSM play invoke strong physical responses. The psychological aspect of BDSM also causes many submissives to mentally separate themselves from their environment as they process the experience. Deep subspace is often characterised as a state of deep recession and incoherence. Deep subspace may also cause a danger in newer submissives who are unfamiliar with the experience, and require the dominant to keep a careful watch to ensure the submissive isn't placing him or her self in danger. Many submissives require aftercare.

Physiological Processes

During the scene, the intense experiences of both pain and pleasure trigger a sympathetic nervous system response, which causes a release of epinephrine from the suprarenal glands, as well as a dump of endorphins and enkephalins. These natural chemicals, part of the fight or flight response produce the same effect as a morphine-like drug, increasing the pain tolerance of the submissive as the scene becomes more intense. Producing a sort of trance-like state due to the increase of hormones and chemicals, the submissive starts to feel out-of-body, detached from reality, and as the high comes down, and the parasympathetic nervous system kicks in, a deep exhaustion, as well as incoherence. Many submissives once reaching a height of subspace will lose all sensation of pain, as any stimulus causes the period to prolong.

Ideas for degrading fun

From one of my online boys from many years ago... just sharing, and please feel free to try the ideas...

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I'm always looking for creative ways for my Mistress to degrade me when she doesn't feel like having sex but is amused by my need to orgasm. 

Following are seven ideas for our play. Would love to hear what you think and have you add your own suggestions.

1. Red Light, Green Light. Have him start and stop masturbating on command until he cums.

2. Mistress Says. He must follow every command that begins with “Mistress Says…” For example, order him to strip, play with himself, twist his own nipples, bend over and show you his ass, spank himself, get down on all fours and show his thrusting technique and of course, “Mistress says cum!” Your choice if he has to lap it up or not.

3. 10 Seconds: He has 10 seconds to make himself cum on your command, or he goes to bed hard. He’s not allowed to touch his cock till you give the 10-second command, but you can decide how much other non-cock stimulation/teasing he receives before you tell him “Go!”

For example you could have him stand naked before you with his hands on his head and his legs spread and you can tease and torture him as your mood dictates. If you don’t feel like touching him, you can order him to perform various acts on himself similar to those in Mistress Says before his 10-second countdown.

4. Lap it up: Order him to masturbate onto a plate and then get down on all fours and lap it up till it’s all gone. Explain that if he doesn’t do it, he won’t have sex or be allowed to masturbate for a week and at the end of the week, he’ll just have to jerk off and eat it, or face another week of denial.

5. Look Mistress No Hands: Ram a dildo in and out of his ass and make him cum without touching himself. For added spice, tie his hands and/or make him lap it.

6. Give him a buzz. Order him to lay perfectly still (or tie him spread eagle if you prefer) and apply a high speed, powerful vibrator to his cock and balls. When you find the spot you like, just hold it there and let the tension build till he explodes. If you’re feeling wicked afterward, continue to use the vibrator on his manhood till he screams and begs you for mercy.

7. In Your Face. Have him lie on his back with his ass in the air and his legs jackknifed to his shoulders so that his cock is pointing down at his face. Stand over him for the best view and have him jerk off into his waiting mouth.

More CBT fun

    Various methods of crushing (not totally of course!) the balls. Pliers, car battery clamps, a "visible ball crusher" I bought on-line etc.

Various abrasives - sandpaper, nail file, scrubbing pad, electric toothbrush etc.

Candle wax

Clothes pins and binder clips

Use a Wartenberg wheel

Butterfly board and other "play piercing"

Stinging nettles  - use first on the nipples, then the balls, then the shaft of the cock and finally - exquisite agony - the glans.

Crushed chillis in virgin olive oil "painted" on the cock and balls (I read about this online somewhere and it said that it's "initially, excruciating but later blissful" which was true. What it didn't say was that the "excruciating" part, with your cock and balls feeling like they're on fire, lasts an eternity - or it certainly seems like it - before you get to the "blissful" part)

Bengay / Icy Hot (similar effect to the above, but hard to get rid of that distinctive smell)
Electro torture, using a TENS unit.

Various anal "probes", including electrified.

Wear tight jeans without underwear.

Figging – ginger root.  Cut the ginger root to the size of the tooth pick and insert it in the urethra.

Sounds, can be a lot of fun

Attach a row of pegs to his cock with a string running through them all. Attach a small bucket to the string and let it dangle between his legs. Keep slowly dropping small weights into the bucket. Eventually the pegs would start to come off but it will take ages and then they should all come off suddenly.  Painful.

Wrap his cock in a sheet of sandpaper and put rubber bands around it so it remains rolled up. Hold one end of the sandpaper and have him pull his cock out.  It will leave scratch marks all around his cock. Ouch.

30 MORE ideas to make your slave/submissive feel Owned (i.e. loved)

31. Have him keep a diary of his journey into submission.

32. Instruct him that he may never get himself something to eat or drink in Your presence without first asking You if You want something.

33. Some evenings, keep him on a leash and take him with You no matter what You do....even if You do not speak to him or include him in Your activities.

34. When appropriate, he is to speak when spoken to.

35. Reward him by giving him delicious pleasure.

36. On occasion, share him.

37. When it suits You, instruct him not to make eye contact with You without Your command.

38. Have him keep his body clean shaven at all times.

39. Conduct random inspections of his body to make sure he keeps himself to Your specifications.

40. Make him wear a butt-plug under his clothes whenever he goes out alone.

41. For transgressions: have him write Your name on the bottom of his foot and tell him to remember he is walking on You with each step. (This is harder to do that You might think....)

42. Dominant the art of the meaningful piercing stare.....

43. Give him reading assignments.

44. Test him on the reading assignments, to make sure he learned the appropriate lessons from each.

45. Instruct him to keep his toenails painted perfectly everyday, and check to see that they are before bed.

46. Make it his responsibility to put the toys away after play and punishment, and to keep them clean and neat.

47. Reward him by letting him name his favorite scene, toys, etc.

48. Call him Your slut, Your pet, etc.

49. Have him make a list of the 10 things that make him the most self-conscious, uncomfortable or embarrassed.

50. Work with him, having him do the things on the list (if possible), so that he conquers those fears and hesitations.

51. Sometimes, pamper him.....wash his body and hair, having him remain perfectly still as You turn him and move him about.

52. Hand feed him like a small child on occasion.

53. Have him eat from a dog bowl on occasion.

54. For transgressions: make him wear a sign to the next public function naming him crime. (ouch)

55. Praise his dedication when he has pleased You well.

56. Instruct him that he is never to touch Your body without permission.

57. Have him write a meditation about him submission, devotion and trust in You....to be said aloud each night before falling asleep.

58. Some days allow him no clothing whatsoever (when practical).

59. For transgressions: deny him play. No pain for you, bad girl....hehe.

60. In the same ilk, for transgressions: deny him orgasm.....give him sex, but He can't cum.

Reasons for males wearing Chastity Belts

Control your submissive/slave's orgasms. This is an extremely powerful and effective relationship device that would prevent him from masturbation.

Psychological comfort for the keyholder: You will never fear him to have sex with someone else.

Domestic obedience: His home will be on the top of his priority list. You will find him helping with the chores.

Tease and denial: Kiss him passionately, tease him, deny his sexual pleasure as long as possible. The results of this denial will be extraordinary.

Total Commitment and Loyalty to his Mistress/Dominant.

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What are some other reasons, followers?