Book Club: A Different Loving

Different Loving

The world of Sexual Dominance and Submission.

Gloria G Brame, William D Brame, Jon Jacobs

*In order to understand unusual sexualities such as dominance and submission, one first has to consider the question “what is normal”.  If the unique function of sex is reproductive – and the only reason men and women should engage in sex is for thepurpose of creating a new life – then only heterosexual intercourse is normal.  By this standard, many common acts even contraception must be considered aberrant.  Reproductive relevance was the Victorian Standard of normalcy, and even today many of the lawas in the United States still abide by that model.  But people have always purused sex both for reproduction and for pleasure and well being.*

*“We state from the premise that sex for pleasure is a normal human drive and is acceptable when it brings pleasure to both partners, from this perspective.  D&S is simply a “different” kind of loving.*

*“We hope to add to the greater body of knowledge about what people really do behind closed doors and the people they most love and trust.  Perhaps “Different Loving” will open the door for further research into the mystery, beauty, and complexity of human life and its diverse expressions”.*

A friend recommended I read this book.  She stated it was a ‘must read’, an educational D/s reference book into understanding sexual D/s.

I started the book last night.  Plenty of historical references about the conception of BDSM…*its going to be a long but educational read* ~laughs~

Book Club: Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns

Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism
Author: Philip Miller
Paperback: 277 pages
Publisher: Mystic Rose Books; 1st ed edition (July 1, 1988)

Philip Miller and Molly Devon think that S/M is fun, and "that reading about it should be fun, too." Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns" is definitely fun, not to mention approachable, chatty, and insightful. What makes it truly special, however, is the sheer weight of loving details. There's clear explanations and detailed tutorials for beginners, as general as "safe, sane, and consensual" and as specific as "you will be swinging the whip with your arm pivoting at the shoulder." There's also solid advice, safety measures, steamy suggestions, plenty of black-and-white photographs, useful and humorous drawings, an extensive glossary, and over 900 entries of S/M clothing and equipment vendors, publications, computer bulletin boards, and organizations worldwide. As sadomasochism is a practice that's still taboo for many people, the chapter on finding partners and sharing your fantasies with existing partners can be invaluable.

Screw the Roses enthusiastically covers all the basics and even some of the not-so-basics--bondage, negotiation, sex, endorphins, dominance and submission, toys, safety, S/M community, and beyond. It's written primarily from the point of view of male dominant/female submissive interactions, but it's easily translatable into valuable advice for any relationship configuration. Miller and Devon's explanations of not just the how, but also the why, of sadomasochism are honest, sexy, funny--and a must-have for anyone who wants to learn about sadism, masochism, dominance, submission, or bondage. --Cheryl Trooskin

Book Club: The Master's Manual

I commenced reading The Master's Manual by Jack Rinella last night - what an insightful read.  I was riveted and read ten chapters in 30 minutes.  There are some quotes and thoughts I will post in due course as the man makes the mindset of SM (sadomasochism) easier to understand.

31/7/11

I am still reading The Master’s Manual but I wanted to highlight some areas that resonate with my thinking as well.  I will work through each chapter that particularly caught my attention.

Chapter 2 – What is Leather

“Leather is a state of mind, an attitude, a mode of perception.  We of the leather community share beliefs of power, lifestyle, experience, and world view”

“Leather is a headspace… seeking a powerful, sensuous, open and truthful life with likeminded.”

I have been trying to work out what leather is all about and it was interesting to read Jack’s perspective about what it means.  I like their philosophy but I have so much to learn and understand in order to fully comprehend this lifestyle.

Chapter 4 - What we really need is an education

“Leather is a full exploration of one’s humanity:  physical, mental, emotional, sexual, social and spiritual.”

The development of good technique and personal growth warrants time to learn the ropes.  This is so true.  So many people jump into the Scene, start immediate play only after observing an activity.  I agree it is important to attend skillshares and lectures in the areas of interest before actual play commences: this increases confidence through knowledge and provides pleasure for both parties. 

Chapter 11 - A Natural Sense of Balance

“In the end, the best scenes bring balance, a strange and quiet state of inner rest.” 

I love this statement, it is how I feel with most of my more intense scenes with my sub.  I always feel calmer and happier in life, and more connected to those important in my life – both vanilla and kink.

Chapter 18 – Power

In order to claim your right to dominate “… you must first claim yourself.  If you cannot rule yourself, you cannot rule others.  A master needs to be comfortable with what it means to control another.  Masters are responsible, directive, decisive.  They need to be able to accept service, attention, the “gift of self” that a slave desires to bestow on his or her power.”

Again I love this statement.  It took me a while to fall into this mindset, and as I grow as an individual I am becoming more comfortable in my rule of others.  I don’t feel like a fraud any more.  I accept my submissive’s service easily.

Chapter 20 – How to be your Master’s best boy

Training your submissives/slaves to serve you in the manner that you expect.

1.  Address you by your chosen name 

2.  Be keen to please  your Mistress 

3.  Surrender yourself as a gift to your Mistress in order to make sure your relationship is successful.

4.  Open yourself and permit yourself to become vulnerable to your Mistress.

5.  Relax and accept your condition, your role as a submissive but if you ever feel danger to your health, you must tell your Mistress 

6.  Study and learn what your Mistress likes, dislikes, wants, needs.  Know your Mistress so you can ensure her life is content. 

7.  Always respond to your Mistress so you learn what brings her pleasure.  Your pleas, squirms, orgasms.
Will continue with my thoughts when I finish the book.  By the way, I recommend this book to new Masters and Mistresses.  Its written in lay-man's terms, well mostly, and its beneficial to try to get an understanding of the Leather lifestyle and SM.