The Goddess...

Do you agree?

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The Goddess.  The Goddess is one of the sweetest of all Dominant roles a Woman may assume, for the Goddess is served, worshipped, and obeyed simply because she is a superior Female.  In this role, the Dominatrix may demand hours of oral servitude, foot massage, and other personal services, and reward them with perhaps a remote smile or a new type of penis punishment.

Her votary or slave often suffers punishment for various transgressions.  He may also be forced to undergo ritual torments, designed to prove his devotion, but he is also willing to rub, stroke, lick, massage, and otherwise demonstrate his adoration and respect for his Lady’s sacred flesh.  The Goddess is, of course, immeasurably distant from her votary, and he is touchingly grateful for any mark of her notice, even if would (under ordinary circumstance) be a humiliation rather than a reward.

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The Goddess is apparently one of the sweetest of the Dominant archetypes.  She is served, worshipped and obeyed simply because she is a superior Female.

A Dominant woman who rules absolutely but with a guiding nurturer’s firm hand with a sensual undercurrent.

A Friend described me as a Contessa – someone with pain tributes and a sadistic edge - rather than just a Goddess.

I don’t identify strictly as a Goddess, yet I know many people perceive me as one.  I do rule those in my realm with a firm but nurturing hand, and I conduct myself with elegance and politeness.  It is rare for me to lose my composure although I will express my displeasure if annoyed or disrespected.

Personally, in my opinion, a Goddess is a Woman who is regal, compassionate and charismatic.

Corner Time

Comments from a recent Corner Time discussion.

v    Corner time is a time for reflection about the wrong doings that have been done and how the sub/slave/bottom can improve himself/herself.  I very much enjoy giving Corner Time for those who are deserving :)

v    Actually, I would say there is some value to it, not so much as a punishment, but as a quiet period of reflection. In life, we are always doing something - online, TV, work, reading, chatting, etc.  How often do you just stay still and do nothing? It can be quite refreshing and calming.

v    Despite the boredom, I do a lot of great reflecting from the corner, which I suppose is the point, right?  It's usually its own punishment with no spanking involved. Usually for not speaking up about something. My hands can go wherever they want, but they often end up crossed as I lean against a wall. Happily, I'm pretty good and haven't done time in a while ;)

v    I think corner time is mostly to be sure I get the very most benefit from my punishment. Its reflective time while my bottom is most tender to let his work on my hinnie travel the long way up to my brain and leave a lasting impression. Sometimes I think its so he can admire his coloring of my cheeks as well.

v    Corner time is supposed to be time to think about your punishment and how to avoid doing the same things again. It feels more like being punished and then sent away so he won't have to deal with you anymore. It usually only lasts about 10 or 15 minutes and I can tolerate it when my husband does it. I really hate it and spend the time wishing he would let me out and hold me, at least for the few minutes that it lasts.

v    I don't like giving or receiving corner time after a spanking, that' a time for reassuring cuddling. Nevertheless, I like it before (at both ends of the whip): it's a way of building the anticipation, you are waiting for your punishment, you don't know how long it will take and you are forced to think about it because you have nothing else to do.

v    I use corner time for real punishment and funishment when requested. The time could be from 30 minutes to an hour and I have the miscreant sit on a hard chair or a coarse fibre door mat (after his/her spanking).

v    Corner time gives him/her enough time to reflect on the reason.

v    Corner time would only work if it was given before the (disciplinary) spanking. It might then raise my anticipation level. There would be an optimum time though, I could not stay anxious for more than 10 minutes I think, after that I would get bored.

v    To me, corner time before a spanking increases my awareness on all levels. My senses seem to heighten, knowing what is to come. My mind whirls with apprehension, wonder, and nervousness. It gives me time to reflect on the reason I am in the corner to begin with, and what is going to follow. Corner time after a spanking, offers me a chance to "cool" down, tears to dry up, contemplate exactly what happened, and why it shouldn't happen again as my bottom throbs. Also standing there with a red bare throbbing bottom can humble you pretty quickly.

v    For me it is simply a very vital part of the discipline that I need in my life.

v    My preference is corner time. It is more 'physical' to Me. Plus you can add all sorts of variations depending on the original infraction - kneeling on cat litter, table tennis ball stays between nose and wall and so on.  I also think it is more humiliating. :-)

v    I like the fact that corner time gives me time to calm down and think about what I did wrong, but I hate the fact that I know I disappointed the person who put me in the corner and that they are watching my every move while I'm in the corner and that they won't allow me to talk to them while I'm in the corner :(

v    Having a spanking, then corner time, being assigned to contemplate my misbehavior, then being asked what i learned, is beneficial to me in so many ways.

What is Power Exchange?

A discussion on power exchange that I found extremely interesting to read and to obtain knowledge.  All contributions have been credited.


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In the world of commerce an exchange is generally considered to be where a buyer and a seller “exchange” value for value, i.e. a product is exchanged for money. The exchange is negotiated in such a way that the amount of money paid is equal to the value of the product in usefulness. In the Leather Lifestyle, people often talk of a power exchange, or an energy exchange. In this exchange there is still the basis of value for value. In a Dominant/submissive relationship this exchange is very important; it is the foundation of the relationship.

In a successful D/s relationship the principles of value for value in the exchange should be the same as in commerce. Many will speak of the D/s relationship as not being equal in that the Dominant is the one in control, the one in the power position. However, equal does not always mean the same, it can mean equal value. The Dominant gives to the submissive those things that nurture and support the relationship, provides stability and direction. The submissive gives to the Dominant those things that nurture and supports the relationship, provides stability and partnership. The particular “gifts” from each one may be different in outward appearance, but the value of each should balance.

What each gives to the relationship is a part of themselves and the degree to which they give is the measure of the value. The relationship, to be successful and on going, must have balance much like the balance in a ledger book. The perceived value the partner gets are the assets and the difference in what is received verses what is expected are the debits. Each action, each inaction of the partners is recorded in the ledger book as either an asset or a debit. Any single action or inaction, whether asset or debit, may have little consequence, but the sum of all actions impacts the value given or received.  r

It is important for each partner to work toward a positive balance in the relationships ledger book. Each choice, each action or lack of action is recorded in the relationship. Each partner must be aware of their contribution and what side of the ledger the contribution is recorded.  NCMaster

This point is one of the reasons I strongly dislike the trend amongst 'some' s types toward the whole "my submission is a gift" tosh. Their whole assumption and attitude is that they are the only ones bringing anything of value to the table. They totally disregard the value of Dominance, the responsibility being taken up by the Dominant partner, the stability, structure and building that needs work to build and maintain consistently.

Ying and yang are not the same but they are complimentary and equal in value, it takes BOTH to create a stable lasting balance.  RavenMuse

What each gives to the relationship is a part of themselves and the degree to which they give is the measure of the value. The relationship, to be successful and on going, must have balance much like the balance in a ledger book. The perceived value the partner gets are the assets and the difference in what is received verses what is expected are the debits. Each action, each inaction of the partners is recorded in the ledger book as either an asset or a debit. Any single action or inaction, whether asset or debit, may have little consequence, but the sum of all actions impacts the value given or received.

It is important for each partner to work toward a positive balance in the relationships ledger book. Each choice, each action or lack of action is recorded in the relationship. Each partner must be aware of their contribution and what side of the ledger the contribution is recorded.

This in my opinion is wonderfully said. Is it romantic? Perhaps not, but realistic- absolutely. We each have needs that must be met or the relationship will wither and fade. Good relationships take real work but the reward when both parties commit to fostering and caring for it is a great one. I believe it is important to take responsibility for yourself and your actions. Instead of thinking, 'Gee, what has my Owner/Master/Dominant /sub/slave/pet done for me lately?' your focus instead should be, 'Have I been doing all that I agreed to do? Lately has my focus been on fulfilling my end of the bargain?' Also equally important, is to recognize and praise all the things that are being done RIGHT. 'Thank you Master/Mistress/Sir/Ma'am/slave/sub/pet for doing 'X' and being 'Y', please know that I appreciate your actions.'

For better or worse, we are the sum total of our parts. Working to improve ourselves a little at a time ultimately improves our interactions and relationship as a whole.  Miss Rebecca

Can Obedience Get Boring?

Another discussion I enjoyed reading, and so are sharing...

 

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Can obedience get boring? Do Dominants like a challenge or would they prefer someone who is obedient? Does it get boring for subs/slaves not to get in trouble?

I think only if you allow it. There has to be a balance with in the relationship, testing waters which for some means feeling loved through corrections, there is a comfort zone most all fall in, and during this time one or both might feel that the other doesnt care as much as they did or could. So unless you talk about it, which seems to be a huge issue with so many people, the submissive might test the waters and see if he still cares enough to put her in line. And as for the Dominate he doesnt normally feel the same, but still wants to know he has control over her and maybe more over everything going on. So he will lay down new rules to add to the relationship if he feels something might be missing. Communication is the key, if you talk face to face, through msg, or emails, or journals, you just have to make sure each other knows what the other is going through.

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For me obedience does not get boring as I am not always that good at it, so I am always trying to change my behavior or the way in which I respond to situations. Since I will never be perfect at it I will always be working at it. Some periods of time may be more active then others but the challenge of trying to change and to be come more obedient has not been a boring path at all.

I suppose if the Top person gets bored they will find a way to make it interesting.

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I do not think so. As regulars know, my Dominant does not like to punish me. Anyway, for awhile I have not been punished and thought all was well. This morning I got a discipline spanking I won't soon forget. I guess things were building and came to a point over the weekend. Almost without warning, my ass was blistered. So, boring, I think not if discipline comes whenever she deems it necessary.

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For me, obedience without struggle becomes boring. Also, for a submissive it would mean reduced opportunities for maintenance and deepening of submission.

But this twofold problem is easy to resolve for a Dom who knows his submissive well enough: define, amend and change rules over time so as to ensure that there will always remain grounds for struggle. evil grin with serious undertone 

Thus far my views. I am interested in hearing what slavetothegrave and other submisisves here feel on this issue.

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I am going to try and put this into words that make sense. When I am in that dynamic of D/s, there are always times that I will push. Just like there are times when the dominant pushes to see if my boundaries have changed or are less firm. As the comment above, said dominants change the rules or modify them. I find that pushes the wrong buttons in me. It says the Dom does not know what he wants.

I am by inclination, a button pusher. Frequently, I find someone who wants their buttons pushed one way or the other. In D/s for me there is usually an unspoken tacit agreement that on occasion without malice or disloyalty or disrespect, I will do something that allows us both to interact differently or for him to display his dominance of me in a public fashion if we are in a lifestyle setting.

It is a dance that allows us both to grow and change the sensual and sexual part of our dynamic. It is about a smartmouth and an attitude that works. It occasionally alters the protocol but rarely. It simply strengthens the sense of adventure.

So sometimes when I am in that kind of a relationship, I wave bye bye to obedience and see how well Sir likes to have his buttons pushed. Yep, it means I am in trouble but sometimes to know that we work, it is worth it.

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my Master prefers for me to be obedient. I try very hard to be a good girl for him. Sometimes I will be a bit of a brat to get attention. But Master will allow it to the certain point but won't let me get out of line too much. :)

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This requires more time than i have but i wanted to respond before the discussion gets old. i've only had 2 discipline oriented romantic relationships and both had lasted a few years. there were definitely uncomfortable periods in which i didn't know if my submission moved me to a place that was overly dowdy. i certainly felt a strange insecurity that i wasn't a "catch" anymore. i remember it becoming a clingy sort of feeling, i didn't feel attractive anymore. i didn't communicate these horrible thoughts and the relationships dried up due to this and other issues unrelated. so i guess i have the same questions, do disciplinarians really want complete submission?

Dirty Talk question

I saw this discussion and thought it would be an interesting read to place in my blog.

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What is it about "dirty" talk that excites you? does written, verbal, or all "dirty" talk turn you on? Has there ever been a time when "dirty" talk, in and of itself, made you cum? Please tell us?

Comments from others:

Unexpected and sincere.

hmmm- when I'm told to say it.. that helps ;) & no it hasn't made me cum but it kinda helps ;)

 

I agree! I hope all the dudes will talk away from this conversation that we LOVE being called "good girl!!" I also love being told what I'm going to need to do to "earn" my orgasm right before I'm about to have it.

 

Pushes my head down and says suck my cock, bitch.

For me, the sounds and sentiments (as well as the warmth of her breath on my skin, especially in my ear) connects to something primal inside me, and inflames my lust until I become a beast, capable of licking, biting, sucking and fucking my partner until neither of us can move. Your mileage may vary. ;)

 

You’re a hot bitch.

 

It always increases My desire and helps Me get hard and of course helps Me cum while I am fucking or being sucked off. And it is a big help for My pet to make her cum quicker and more often!!

All of it.

 

It adds to the heat, especially in humiliation play. Even in vanilla play, I love hearing a lover say "Fuck my sopping wet cunt."

 

All of it, but when a man talks me through an orgasm like a good girl...ugghhhh!

 

When he pulls my hair, and growls “sexy slut”.