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In the world of commerce an exchange is generally considered to be where a buyer and a seller “exchange” value for value, i.e. a product is exchanged for money. The exchange is negotiated in such a way that the amount of money paid is equal to the value of the product in usefulness. In the Leather Lifestyle, people often talk of a power exchange, or an energy exchange. In this exchange there is still the basis of value for value. In a Dominant/submissive relationship this exchange is very important; it is the foundation of the relationship.
In a successful D/s relationship the principles of value for value in the exchange should be the same as in commerce. Many will speak of the D/s relationship as not being equal in that the Dominant is the one in control, the one in the power position. However, equal does not always mean the same, it can mean equal value. The Dominant gives to the submissive those things that nurture and support the relationship, provides stability and direction. The submissive gives to the Dominant those things that nurture and supports the relationship, provides stability and partnership. The particular “gifts” from each one may be different in outward appearance, but the value of each should balance.
What each gives to the relationship is a part of themselves and the degree to which they give is the measure of the value. The relationship, to be successful and on going, must have balance much like the balance in a ledger book. The perceived value the partner gets are the assets and the difference in what is received verses what is expected are the debits. Each action, each inaction of the partners is recorded in the ledger book as either an asset or a debit. Any single action or inaction, whether asset or debit, may have little consequence, but the sum of all actions impacts the value given or received. r
It is important for each partner to work toward a positive balance in the relationships ledger book. Each choice, each action or lack of action is recorded in the relationship. Each partner must be aware of their contribution and what side of the ledger the contribution is recorded. NCMaster
This point is one of the reasons I strongly dislike the trend amongst 'some' s types toward the whole "my submission is a gift" tosh. Their whole assumption and attitude is that they are the only ones bringing anything of value to the table. They totally disregard the value of Dominance, the responsibility being taken up by the Dominant partner, the stability, structure and building that needs work to build and maintain consistently.
Ying and yang are not the same but they are complimentary and equal in value, it takes BOTH to create a stable lasting balance. RavenMuse
What each gives to the relationship is a part of themselves and the degree to which they give is the measure of the value. The relationship, to be successful and on going, must have balance much like the balance in a ledger book. The perceived value the partner gets are the assets and the difference in what is received verses what is expected are the debits. Each action, each inaction of the partners is recorded in the ledger book as either an asset or a debit. Any single action or inaction, whether asset or debit, may have little consequence, but the sum of all actions impacts the value given or received.
It is important for each partner to work toward a positive balance in the relationships ledger book. Each choice, each action or lack of action is recorded in the relationship. Each partner must be aware of their contribution and what side of the ledger the contribution is recorded.
This in my opinion is wonderfully said. Is it romantic? Perhaps not, but realistic- absolutely. We each have needs that must be met or the relationship will wither and fade. Good relationships take real work but the reward when both parties commit to fostering and caring for it is a great one. I believe it is important to take responsibility for yourself and your actions. Instead of thinking, 'Gee, what has my Owner/Master/Dominant /sub/slave/pet done for me lately?' your focus instead should be, 'Have I been doing all that I agreed to do? Lately has my focus been on fulfilling my end of the bargain?' Also equally important, is to recognize and praise all the things that are being done RIGHT. 'Thank you Master/Mistress/Sir/Ma'am/slave/sub/pet for doing 'X' and being 'Y', please know that I appreciate your actions.'
For better or worse, we are the sum total of our parts. Working to improve ourselves a little at a time ultimately improves our interactions and relationship as a whole. Miss Rebecca
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