--- The Dominant does not want to know you as an equal and/or if role playing, does not allow Out Of Character discussion. In the role and out, you feel important matters cannot be discussed. (Egocentric, Abusive) * Every good Dominant will allow you to bring up issues you have if you communicate them appropriately at the right place and time. If you choose to communicate the issue, take responsibility for your actions and do it right. Be respectful and see if this is well received. If a Dominant isn't open to proper feedback, she isn't open to you.*
--- The Dominant says things like: "It is all about the Dominant!" This can be tough talk, or she may genuinely not care about your needs. (Egocentric)
--- The Dominant has an interest in your Linden Dollar balance and other possessions which strikes you as unusual, or employs schemes to take them from you or lets you buy things she takes from you. The Dominant also may talk you into making purchases in RL for them and may even ask you to keep them secret from a RL partner (wife, girlfriend, family, friends, etc) or even from your own Mistress in RL. (Manipulative, Abusive)
--- The Dominant regularly leaves you kneeling or in other ways unused for a very long time and there seems to be no purpose for keeping you idle, other than her wanting to do other things and matter-of-factly neglecting you. (Egocentric, Abusive)
--- The Dominant seems to run through a lot of slaves, but has very few or no long-term subs/slaves. (Egocentric, Abusive)
--- When dealing with relationship problems, the Dominant will respond by issuing threats or ultimatums about what will happen if a perceived problem arises again. (Abusive, Manipulative)
--- There is non-negotiated, hurtful verbal abuse taking place on an uncomfortably frequent basis especially not balanced by a lot of affection and support. Examples may include sarcasm, pointed “interrogation” of motives or behavior, belittling in front of others, frequent “teasing,” or “playful” insults. (Abusive)
--- The Dominant does not ask you for your limits and does not negotiate the relationship/scene with you before giving you orders and demanding submission from you. (Abusive)
--- The Dominant is one who more often that not tries to issue orders to owned submissive/slaves without the consent of that subs/slaves Mistress. (Egocentric, Abusive)
--- Poor-quality dominants often regard submissives with disdain. They may try to give orders to, or attempt to touch (perhaps even whip), someone who has not previously agreed to submit. They may demand submissive behavior before negotiations, or even personal acquaintance, have been completed. (Egocentric, Abusive)
--- The Dominant drives a wedge between you and your SL friends and associations, isolating you from friends you chose, to associate exclusively with him or his social circle either through direct or implied pressure. (Egocentric, Abusive)
--- You have a sense/gut feeling you are being manipulated and that it isn't good, but you cannot identify just how this happens. (Abusive)
--- You cannot do anything right and this is all your fault. There is consistent punishment, but no reward. (Abusive, Evil)
--- The Dominant gets Real-Life angry with you and punishes you in a way to make you feel Real-Life bad or miserable. His aim seems to be to make you really suffer to pay for his real anger. (Abusive) A Dominant should never, ever "punish" (whipping, caging, etc.) out of real anger or when feeling down/disapointed/burnt out, etc.
--- -Beware especially of the person who will not read books, attend workshops, or go to club meetings, and/or does not want you to do those things. They may know that such resources discuss safety, consensually, negotiation, ethics, and limits - and your hearing that would reveal their abusiveness. (Abusive, Manipulative)
--- The Dominant puts you down and punishes you all the time, far beyond your comfort level, and he appears to have no specific reason for it - she just does. (Abusive) Y/you must understand that consent is an ongoing process. It must always be present, not just in the initial part of the relationship or right before a "scene."
--- The Dominant blackmails you into doing things she knows you really don't want to. (Abusive) Consent is free and not coerced by fear of something nasty happening, whether that nasty is physical harm or the fear of the partner leaving, or of being called a wimp. Consent is one of the hallmarks of BDSM, distinguishing it from abusive activities which may appear superficially similar. Consent is valid and meaningful only if it is informed, meaning that all the participants have full knowledge of the activities to which they are consenting, if it is uncoherced, meaning that the participants give the consent freely without threat, force, or intimidation; and if the people involved give that consent from a condition of sound mind, meaning their judgement in not impaired by drugs, disease, or any other condition which might cloud or distort their ability to make reasonable, rational decisions.
--- At the scene, or throughout the relationship, you keep finding yourself doing things you don't like to avoid consequences you like even less. (Abusive, Manipulative)
--- You are genuinely afraid to offend your Dominant. Not excited, but scared because you expect consequences that authentically feel bad. (Abusive)
--- The Dominant seems to hold little regard for what you think is important, and does not really seem to take any needs you may have into account. (Egocentric)
--- You find yourself logging off feeling less than well more often than not, regardless whether you think it is your own fault or not. (Egocentric, Abusive)
--- The Dominant has a fondness of putting restraints on you that you yourself cannot remove, and abuses these restraints for the sole purpose of making you suffer or humiliate you. (Abusive) A Dominant who is responsible and who respects you will always give you an option to safeword and/or will make sure you have a way out in case of an emergency... A good Dominant has the well being and health of your body and your mental health as one of their top priorities.
--- Whether you like the scene or not, almost everything that happens is exactly what the Dominant wants, and after that you're dismissed. (Egocentric)
--- The Dominant does not provide any aftercare and sometimes claims that “real Dominants” or “real submissive/slaves” don’t do aftercare or they don’t take the time to provide any aftercare or often “forget” to provide aftercare. (Abusive)
Duchess Jovial Denimore 11/14/2009 Referenced several educational SL and RL BDSM Educational resources for this list.
Thank you Duchess for this list. It will be very helpful for submissives and slaves.
No comments:
Post a Comment